Most people say you need to unfriend your ex after breaking up. It makes complete sense. Seeing him out partying, smiling, and with other guys can make it tougher to move on. Nasty thoughts flood your mind. How is he having fun without me? Does he not miss me? Who the hell is that? I’ll kill him. It’s like he’s trying to rub his happiness in my face. In fact, there’s actually some convincing research to support unfriending an ex post-breakup. A particular 2012 study demonstrated how remaining friends with an ex on Facebook hinders the process of moving past that relationship.

Still, I’m not convinced. Every relationship and breakup is  different (Duh...). Here’s when you should and shouldn't unfriend your ex on Facebook.

When you need to unfriend that sucker ASAP.

1. When you look at his profile daily. 

Then for the love of God, unfriend him. Why are you torturing yourself?

2. When you start clicking on his friends (and randos he’s in pics with). 

You’re going to drive yourself into a schizophrenic and jealous frenzy. Back off.

3. When you’re checking his statuses to see if there’s a thinly veiled reference to you or your breakup. 

Wait. Is that about me?

4. When you feel lonely/sad/angry after looking at his profile. 

If you need to reassure yourself everything is fine. Then everything is definitely not fine. Don’t pretend you’re not upset looking at his profile. You’re not kidding anyone, especially yourself.

5. If he broke up with you (and you didn’t want to break up).

If you still want to be with him, then it’s a must. You’ll only miss him more. Embrace out of sight out of mind.

6. If you’re looking at old pictures of you and him together. 

Stop that this instant. Don’t reminisce. At least not yet. Now’s not the time to remember all the joy he gave you. It’ll only make you want him more. 

When you don’t need to unfriend him:

1. If you’re able to look at his profile and smile. 

If a picture of him pops up on your newsfeed, and he’s with another guy having fun, and your first thought is, “I’m glad he’s happy,” then YES you can stay friends with him.

Yep. That’s the only time. Otherwise, unfriend him. Doesn’t mean you don’t get to refriend him. Doesn’t mean you’ll never talk to him again. Just means that right now you need some distance. When you’re ready, and can look at his profile and smile, then refriend him on Facebook (and maybe IRL too). Until then, give yourself time to move on.