4 Things You Learn About Yourself When You Date a Bi Guy

A lot of people refuse to date bi guys. They think nasty stereotypes about us. We’re indecisive, greedy, spread HIV, in denial, incapable of monogamy, using it as a stepping-stone (to being “full blown” gay), etc. These stereotypes are not only false, but also offensive and biphobic.

It’s time to broaden your horizons, and date a man with a different sexual orientation than you.

Now my goal isn’t to fetishize us, or to incite an outbreak of “bi-fever,” but I think there are phenomenal things that people learn about themselves when they date a bi man.

1. You learn to be open and trusting

A lot of insecure people who have issues with trust and openness refuse to date bisexuals. They fear every single person that their bi BF meets is a potential sexual partner, and this fear eats at them on the inside. They’re constantly worried that you’re going to cheat on them. First of all, bisexuals have standards; we’re not attracted to every person we meet. Second, our sexuality has nothing to do with our moral compass. We’re not more likely to cheat or lie because we’re bisexual. So when we’ve been nothing but honest and open with you, you need to trust us.

2. You're forced to acknowledge and work on your jealousy

Dating a bi man means you have to openly recognize your jealousy and be willing to work on it. Partners get jealous. Often times with people of a different gender, because they feel they can’t give you what that person can. But this harkens back to trust. When we say that we want you and no one else, we mean it, and you need to learn to trust us.  

3. You're forced to stand up for others of different sexualities

When you date us, you will undoubtedly experience biphobia. As a straight woman dating a bi man, you’ll hear things that insinuate that your boyfriend is gay. If you’re a gay man dating a bi guy, you’ll be asked questions about your partner’s denial of his homosexuality. When people ask you these questions, you’ll be put in a position to stand up for bisexuals, explaining to them how their biphobic remarks are not only offensive, but also ignorant.

4. You start viewing the world less in binaries

The world is more than black and white, and when you start to understand liminality in one aspect of your life (in this case, your partner’s sexuality) you begin to view the world through a liminal lens. This not only helps you better understand the complexities of the world, but also helps you better understand yourself. You’ll be able to be introspective in a more realistic, nuanced, and fulfilling manner.