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Jeff Goldblum is ready to drop pole for gold in the next Olympics & we'd like to see that
Daddy also wants to "do the horse" and we'd love to watch him try, respectfully.
We just wrapped up a pretty epic and very queer Olympic run, full of everything from drag queens pissing off Christians to some of the sexiest moments of 2024.
The next round of the Olympics in 2028 is slated to head to Los Angeles, and everyone in Hollywood has already started prepping for what’s already bound to be an epic show.
Jeff Goldblum, who’s currently guest hosting Jimmy Kimmel Live this week, had some predictions about how L.A. might put a “twist on some of the events,” which include anything from “face lifting, farm to table tennis, and the 50-meter name drop.”
Goldblum, who is our forever crush thanks to his role as Dr. Ian Malcolm in the Jurassic Park franchise, also did what the rest of us have done over the last few week: Claimed he’s going to complete in the next Olympics.
“I’m gonna be in the next Olympics,” he said to laughs and applause. “Don’t crush my dream. I’m gonna win that gold!”
As to how he plans to secure the gold for himself, Goldblum admitted he was “obsessed” with “the horse” and that he would “do the horse.” While he didn’t specify whether that was pommel or equestrian, we think Stephen Nedoroscik might give him a run for his money if he tried out the former.
Someone else who might give Goldblum a run for his money in more ways than one is Anthony Ammirati, who is perhaps getting more attention than he wants after his bulge cost him a gold medal in pole vaulting.
“I’m not gonna do the pole vaulting. You know why," he joked in regard to the event. "I can’t, I can’t. Some people are just built for that.”
Listen, we definitely know a good bulge when we see one, and we also know when we’d lose a bulging contest. Just like Goldblum, we’d bow out of the race if Ammirati was around, too. We're just over here hoping he either stars an OnlyFans or accepts the $250,000 offer from CamSoda to show us all what he's really working with.
In the meantime, check out Goldblum's full monologue below.
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.
Andrew J. Stillman is a freelance writer and yoga instructor exploring the world. Check him out at andrewjstillman.com or follow him @andrewjstillman on all the things.
