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No man knows what gay sex is going to be like the first time. No matter how many porn clips we play on a loop beforehand, it never matches up with reality.
If you're still a virgin (and there's nothing wrong with that!) you may look to porn for tips on how to go about it for your first time. Even if you're a seasoned pro, it might be a little of the same deal.
Here are 10 lies porn can teach you about gay sex.
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There's definitely all types of porn out there, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if you're watching something, it's likely you've sifted through the options to find something that suits your style.
That said, when you find something that tickles your fantasy, anyone in the video is going to look good to you. Don't have the expectation of everything going smoothly, everyone looking great the whole time, and every experience being the height of your fantasies. Lower your expectations and just let the good times roll.
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The pizza delivery guy. The gym trainer. The dentist. The doctor. The grocery store worker and his nasty boss who's watching from the corner. Your neighbor when his wife goes to work. Porn definitely takes on everyone's wildest fantasies and puts it onto the screen so you can live vicariously through the actors (because yes, that's still technically what they are.)
Don't get me wrong -- it's not like none of these things can happen. Fantasies also take on a form of real life in some regard, but don't expect some fantastical sex situation to happen anytime you go out your front door.
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I can’t tell you how many films I’ve seen dealing with virginity loss backstories. The majority of the time, the virgin is bright-eyed and smiling up a storm while he’s getting a ride fit for a rodeo. Don’t get me wrong. Some dude’s jump into bottoming right at the beginning, but the reality is it takes a while getting comfortable enough to want it all the time.
Bottoming is as mental as it is physical. It takes a while for your body to broaden and expand towards deeper horizons. Never are you going to magically jump in the deep end your first go around. That's a bunch of bull.
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The Pine-Sol lady does not come after it’s all set and done. Men sweat, which is something I love, and we get wet and sticky most of the time – at least when we’re giving our A-game.
My philosophy has always been if you haven’t broken a sweat then you’re being too safe. I’ve had great sex in my life and rarely do we ever finish on top of crisp white sheets. It’s always a wrinkled-up pile of damp sticky mess and I like it that way.
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Very, very few gay men are ready at the snap of a finger to bottom. There’s prep work, which requires more than a shower. Some douche, but more importantly it's about us soaping and tidying up down there. For guys who find it difficult bottoming, we need to exercise our sphincter muscles at least two times a week with a toy so it builds muscle memory for bottoming to be enjoyable. It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, so for anyone who thinks it’s as easy as pie, I’d like them to sashay away please.
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There are plenty of Size Queens out there in the world, but I’m sure even they admit that just because a man is packing heat does not give him the right to stay in the kitchen. There are countless of guys with average to smaller penises that rock someone's world as equally as the big boys.
Our prostates are only four inches inside (and around the corner), so do the measuring. Trust me when I say size doesn’t necessarily fit all. Kudos to you for enjoying a third leg, but for the majority of gay men it’s not a requirement. Don’t believe it.
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I always forget that I’m watching a film, which means there’s editing, retakes, lighting, even questionable CGI. Life doesn’t run on digital time. It exists in our mind and body’s physiological breaks. We’re not always going to cum exactly when our partner does — we’re just not.
Hell, sometimes we won’t at all. It doesn’t mean we’re not sexually attracted to them anymore, and it especially doesn’t mean we didn’t have a good time. Sometimes our mind gets fucked up and decides to take a bit more time than usual. We’re not always going to shoot across the room like Peter North — but we’ll certainly have fun trying.
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There are so many porn stars down to shoot a leg up to the ceiling while their partner grabs the other and straddles it on top of the kitchen sink while he’s reaching around to grab the testicles and pull himself in and out like a circus monkey. The only people who can do this should be working for Cirque du Soleil. It’s hard enough to do a decent split, the last thing I need is to be bent like a pretzel. There’s absolutely zero pleasure in being made into Stretch Armstrong. All lies!
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This is tricky, and the secret lies with consent. Plain, good old-fashioned, consent. I’m a pretty big fan of being dominated over, but there’s a fine line between “Yes, boss me around” and “OK, should I call the cops now?”
If a guy is using me to live out his lifelong fantasy of actually raping someone, he’s getting kicked in the groin and told his place. There needs to be some heavy communication beforehand to warn a guy. Rape isn’t a joke. It can be sexy when we’re both on the same page but never should anyone assume it’s going to be as free-flowing as it is on Porn Hub.
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I hate to speak for others, but I have yet to meet a gay guy who, at least when he’s young, hasn’t agreed that making out “leads to other things.” But in porn, it’s always a surprise: They see each other, start talking, and suddenly they’re in the backroom of a 7-11 getting stuffed like a creamsicle.
The reality is you feel the tension long before any deed actually happens. When it does, the anxiety leaves so we can finally give in to what we all knew was inevitable. Men are kind of psychic when it comes to sex, so two gay guys are almost always aware when there’s at least a possibility. Trips to the bathroom to make sure you smell fresh become too frequent not to assume anything else. We've all been there.
