How to Answer Your Straight Friend's Lesbian Questions

Straight girl friends are part of life. We all have at least one straight GF (if not an entire crew) growing up. When that day comes in your life that your friends learn you're gay, no matter how down they may be, they’re still going to ask questions.

And that's your chance to teach them to be more socially aware. Be a friend and tell it like it is. 

1. Is "dyke" really a bad word to use?

When you’re a straight person, saying the word "dyke" in public is very offensive. Even if you're sitting next to your best lesbian friend, and she doesn’t care, people will probably overhear you.

Rule of thumb: if you're straight, "dyke" is off limits. You aren't re-appropriating the word, like queer women. That's why I can say it and you can't. 

2. Since you can't have sex, what do you do?

If an orgasm is involved, sex happened. Sex doesn't require a penis and a vagina, so yes, I can have sex. 

3. When did you know?

This answer is different for everyone, so be honest, but make sure to explain that the path to sexual awareness varies. For heterosexual people, they live in a world where their orientation is mainstream. For queer people, it isn’t as accessible, and sometimes that means people aren’t as aware of their sexuality until later. That doesn’t mean they aren’t queer. That doesn’t mean they are going through a phase. When a person identifies as one way, they should feel safe in letting their BFs know that’s how they identify.

4. Have you ever had a crush on one of us?

Yes, I’ve had a crush on literally all of my best girlfriends growing up. Including you! This is another question that’s different for everyone, but once again, be honest and open here. Nine times out of ten, your friend won't be upset knowing that you liked her when you were 11. I’m speaking from experience here; I’ve told all my old best friends how much I liked them when I was a kid, and I’m still friends with all of them.

5. Why are some lesbians into women who dress like men? Why don’t they just fuck men?

This is your chance to explain that gender and sexuality are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Just because someone is attracted to masculinity doesn’t mean that they are only attracted to men. And visa versa.

6.  Do you think she’s hot?

Ok, I know you clearly get that I’m into women, but that doesn’t mean I want to fuck every person with a vagina. I am attracted to certain qualities, many of which are related to a woman’s personality, so NO I’m not trying bang every girl in this room. But yes, that lady with the long legs is hot.

7. So who pays?

Who pays in your relationship? It’s 2015, and many couples function on equality, and that’s exactly how it goes in my relationships.

8. Are you a top or a bottom? Is that a thing for lesbians?

Well,  this is not really a thing for anyone. Sometimes, I’m sure you like to be dominant with your boyfriend in the bedroom. Sometimes, he likes to be dominant with you. For most lesbians and queer people in general, these roles are fluid, and we switch off.

9. Should I watch The L Word?

Ok, so I feel compelled to tell you that The L Word is the campiest, most exaggerated depiction of what lesbianism is, especially in this decade. But yes, please watch The L Word so we can discuss the complexities of Shane and how much we love/hate Jenny.

11. Should I watch The Real L Word?

Definitely. It has a much better grasp of what being a lesbian is like today. 

The moral of the story is be honest, be open, be understanding, but most importantly, BE YOURSELF. And, take this moment to shape how your best friend will treat every other lesbian she meets.