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20 More LGBTQ+ Sex Myths
Myths about LGBTQ+ people are rampant in our society, but we're here to combat them at every corner they take—especially when it comes to our sexuality. Here's 20 more myths worth discussing and fighting back against.
Gay sex is cisgender sex
More often than not, we have a cis-centric view of sexuality in the LGBTQ+ community. The reality is that many of us are trans and/or have trans partners, which means the cis-based view of gay sex (cis women with cis women, cis men with cis men) isn't always true to gay experiences. Simply put, trans lesbians and trans gay men exist too.
"Is it gay to like trans women?"
This is, sadly, a common question from straight men who find themselves attracted to trans women. No, it's not gay to like trans women. You're just attracted to a woman. Trans sexuality has helped broaden our understanding of queer sexuality, but that doesn't "make one gay" for being attracted to trans people.
There's no books on trans sexuality
Actually, there is! Trans Bodies, Trans Selves explores trans sexuality in pretty open detail. It's a great resource for any and all trans people. Plus, it goes over a variety of subjects, not just sex.
Everyone is sexually active
Some people in the queer community just aren't interested in sex; that is, they're asexual. Or only have sex with a very specific limited number of people. Again, there's nothing wrong with being sexually inactive.
HIV is the only STI to worry about
There are many various forms of STIs that can be transmitted through sex. Not to mention, infections and illnesses that can be transmitted without sexual contact. Colds, flus, or strep can also be spread through sexual activity. Remember to do your research and take care.
All queer folks are kinky
Not true. Some people are just a little more vanilla than others. No problem with that; in the end, everyone's sexuality comes down to personal preference.
Alcohol always makes sex better
It does not! In fact, it can often make sex more confusing or intimidating if you're feeling anxious. It's okay to have a few drinks before sex, but don't drink too much—and certainly don't overdo it before your first time.
You can always score at a party
Sometimes you strike out. That's just the way it is; no one has a perfect batting average. Parties may be nice when you're queer, but there's nothing wrong with going home single.
There's no such thing as too many poppers
Poppers are great! But take them in moderation. Too much, and you could end up dizzy. Don't miss out on the pleasurable sensation that comes with them by sniffing too much, too fast. Check out Vice's article for an FAQ.
Or that we all like poppers
Some queer people don't like to use poppers, or find drugs and sex an unpleasant experience. No problem there if it's not your thing! It's important to remember tastes come in all varieties.
You can tell if someone is a top or bottom by their looks
Just because someone looks like a bottom or top doesn't mean they actually are one. Tough girls can be super subby; geeky girls can be tops in bed. Sex roles and personalities aren't always one-to-one.
Or you can tell a sexual role by personality
Shy girls may look like subs, but they can act like doms in bed. Extroverts can come off as domineering, but they end up being subs. It all depends on the person; never assume behavior equals sexual preferences.
All lesbians are femmes and butches
Lesbian relationships often can't be separated so cleanly into "femme" and "butch." While the pairing is common, it's not the end-all, be-all of lesbian sexuality. Femmes and femmes date all the time, as do butches. At the end of the day, it depends on preferences.
"Which one of you is the guy and which one is the girl?"
The classic heteronormative gay question. There's no such thing as being "the guy" and "the girl." Just two gay men loving one another.
Doctors know nothing about LGBTQ+ health
Not true! Many doctors are becoming better equipped to deal with gay and lesbian sexuality; some are even experienced with trans health issues. Depending on the area you're in and the doctor you're seeing, discussing your sexual experiences may be extremely beneficial to protecting your health.
Oils work well in a pinch
They really don't. When in doubt, use lubes that are made for the sexual activity you want to perform: whether that's anal or otherwise.
Abuse isn't an LGBTQ+ problem
Wrong. Emotional and sexual abuse affects LGBTQ+ relationships too. But the language on abuse is often heteronormative and sees men as the sole source of abuse. As one BuzzFeed feature reveals, this can be alienating for victims of sexual assault looking for support.
Queer women experience lower rates of abuse
That's not true, either; there's actually enormously high abuse rates among gay and bisexual women. The National Center for Lesbian Rights reports that 1 in 8 lesbian women have experienced rape, whereas half of bisexual women have. 64% of trans people have also experienced sexual assault, leaving that statistic over 1-in-2 trans people.
The queer community is a sexual paradise
Queer communities can be amazing places where hooking up thrives and gender roles are thrown aside. But the image of gayborhoods as queer sexual utopias and paradises is kind of misleading. For one, not everyone likes casual sex or hooking up. Some people just keep to themselves and their partners. Like most romanticized images, the truth is more complicated.
Everyone comes out as "babies"
There's this assumption that when you're first learning about your identity, you're a "baby." That's not always true. The reality is that everyone has a different relationship with their identity, and we should accept one another for trying to explore their identity at their own pace and no matter what their age is.
