Orphan Black Finale Recap: So Many Twists, So Little Time

This sophomore season of Orphan Black has been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster, and the Saturday night finale left us hanging right at the peak of the action. There's certainly a lot to look forward to in our season 3 future, but before we bunker down for several months of anticipation, let's take a look back at how exactly we landed in the midst of all this madness (here's looking at you, Ari Millen).

Ater Rachel stole Kira from the hospital in the last episode, Sarah just gives up and turns herself in this time instead of exacting some elaborate plan. Don't worry, there will be an elaborate plan, but not yet as Sarah tearfully cooperates with the scary Dyad people, answering questions about her sex life and past abortion. To make matters worse, Delphine has been removed from all things Clone Club (and randomly sent to Frankfurt), and Sarah's new doctor, Dr. Nealon, is much less cute and French. Sarah demands to see Kira, but her daughter's actually managing pretty well in captivity without her. She's even managed to steal a phone from a nurse and call Daddy Cal. The apple certainly doesn't fall far from one of many cloned trees.

Cosima's life continues to plummet downhill as all her information is transferred from the care of Delphine to Dr. Nealon. Poor Delphine isn't even allowed to say goodbye to the love of her scientific life, and as one last attempt to help, Delphine sends Cosima Rachel's agenda, which includes a mysterious surgery for Sarah that both women will be attending. Cosima and Scott immediately start concocting a plan using the information. Now that Rachel has officially pissed of literally everyone on this show, it's probably time for her to get hers. No one tears apart Team Sexy Science and gets away with it.

So why was Sarah Dyad's Most Wanted? Turns out they want to harvest her eggs, and if she agrees to the procedure, she'll get to see Kira. They do live up to that end of the bargain, letting Sarah see her daughter through a one-way mirror, where Sarah gets to watch Rachel tell Kira that Mommy hasn't been very nice to Rachel and that, "Even mothers have to do as they're told sometimes, don't they?" Yep, Rachel was totally talking to Kira just then.

After getting Kira's call, The Best Dad in History shows up at Mrs. S's having finally done some research on the clones and Dyad and is super prepped to help. Helena also shows up at Detective Bell's, demanding from her 'Seestra Brother' Felix to see Sarah. Felix agrees to go collect Helena, who is apparently recovering from her Proletheian trauma by once again eating everything in Bell's house. She regales Felix and Bell with tales of her truck-stop lover and her time with Gracie and Mark, but denies burning the place to the ground. Probably a smart move, girl. 

Cal and Mrs. S sit down to discuss Project LEDA, which Cal got information on from a source on a site called Darknet. He asks his source for help, and when he mentions he's with Mrs. S, the source tells him to ask her about "Castor." She responds by saying he's not the only one with an inside man. Mrs. S meets back with mega-military edition Major Paul to have yet another mysteriously vague conversation. Cal also shows up at the meet n' greet with his own source, the even more mysterious Marian. Paul negotiates with her, guaranteeing that Sarah and Kira will be protected. So is Marian good? Guess so, cause all these cute people trust her. 

Rachel and Duncan sit down for some forced daddy/daughter time while Duncan watches the videos of Rachel as a child playing with him in his younger days (which we learn Rachel watches so often because she can't remember the moments herself). My, how things have changed. Duncan still doesn't know what side his formerly darling daughter is on, and refuses to help or give her any more information. What he does do, however, is take the hot water Rachel offered and poison it with his own tea bag. As he dies, Rachel weeps, insisting he can't leave her again. His response: "I'm afraid you don't deserve me anymore." Yeesh, those are some choice last words.

In what might be Orphan Black's Most Adorable Moment Ever, Cosima is allowed to visit Kira and teachers her about force and acceleration by having her pierce a pencil through a piece of paper ("You won science," is definitely the line of the night). The sequence is interspersed with Scott and Cosima in the lab building something involving a fire extinguisher and tube that we can be pretty sure has something to do with the anti-Rachel plan.

Let the chaos begin! Sarah is dragged out of bed by Dr. Nealon for a surprise ovary-removal, but luckily Scott sneaks in just in time to tell her that Cosima says hi, and they're going to help her escape. Rachel enters to join in on the fun, showing Sarah a picture Kira drew of Rachel, Kira, and a fire extinguisher (okay....), and also to flaunt Kira's bone marrow around as she demands the key to the synthetic sequences that she believes Duncan gave Sarah. When Sarah tells Rachel she doesn't know what she's talking about, Rachel smashes Kira's blood to the ground in fury, crushing Cosima's final chance at survival But just as she's about to leave Sarah to her surgery, Sarah, who's noticed a little sign that says "Squeeze" on a hidden fire extinguisher, calls her back. Sarah squeezes the machine Cosima and Scott made and a pencil shoots out and hits Rachel right in the eye. Goodbye, dear pro-clone, you shall be missed! Though if Rachel's officially dead or not remains to be seen...

Sarah rescues Kira, who's hanging out with Marian. Marian introduces herself officially, explaining she's from "Topside," and tells Sarah that if she meets her tomorrow, she can learn the truth. After this long day, Cal takes Sarah home, where all her sisters are waiting. Alison and Cosima meet Helena for the first time ("I like your hairs " is the runner up line of the night), and they all immediately hit it off, more or less. No one is happier to see Helena than Kira, though, and the two share a lovely Aunty/Clone Spawn moment. So much has happened today that really the only thing the girls can do now is have a Clone Club dance party. The verdict is still out on whether that was the uncomfortably weirdest or most endearing Orphan Black moment ever.

As they go to sleep, Sarah and Cosima share a tender moment where Sarah expresses just how bummed she'll be if Cosima dies. Please don't die Cosima! We definitely need more clone sleepovers. Helena's attempt to duck out early, however, ends in her getting aggressively kidnapped. This poor girl needs a damn tracker chip or something. My main hope for season 3 is that she finally gets to reunite with her cute trucker boyfriend.

Sarah takes Marian up on her offer for answers and is immediately greeted by a massive surprise in the form of a little girl in a leg brace - a little girl who looks eactly like Flashback Rachel. We quickly learn this is Marian's adopted daughter and Sarah's much younger sister Charlotte, the only one of 400 attempts to re-clone that actually survived. Marian explains that Topside is basically the Big Brother of the Dyad. Her involvement isn't just for profit though, and she's got another, even bigger secret on its way...

That morning, Kira wakes the almost nearly dead Cosima up for some story time, which goes much better than planned when Kira asks Cosima to read The Island of Dr. Moreau, complete with Duncan's notes that could possible save Cosima's life. The clone who gets the much less exciting end of the deal is Helena, who is carted away on a military plane while Mrs. S and Paul watch. "You did what you had to," Paul says, because he's only capable of talking in short, vague sentences.

Now before we get to the real kicker here, let's not forget our Young Prolethians of America. Mark and Gracie have a tiny little wedding ceremony in a church following a convo where Mark informs Gracie he's totally on board with helping raise Henrik and Helena's child. Now hold that thought. Back at Marian's, she has decided to let Sarah in on a huge secret, namely what exactly Project Castor is. Or rather, who Project Castor is. Surprise! Mark didn't just run really fast from his wedding to Marian's exercise room. The military has also been working on its own cloning experiment, and this time it's all about the dudes. Not only do we have Prolethian Mark and Crazy Face Exercise Nut, but there's also G.I. Clone who's just been delivered Helena. That's right, guys. Clone Club just gotten a LOT bigger. But can Ari Millen pull off the magical multi-person mastery Tatiana's been perfecting for two years? Only season 3 will tell, and we've got a long time to wait. Um, hey, Orphan Black, how dare you spring this on us and then disappear? Not fair at all! We are totally boycotting by...uh...doing another rewatch. Right now.