DListed's Michael K. Talks Gayelles

From his inauspicious beginnings blogging for personal pleasure to his current status as a tears-down-the-face, piss-off-the-office with loud laughter, hilarious gossip guru to his more heady position as an anthropological chronicler of celebrity gayelle activity, there’s no denying DListed.com's Michael K’s priceless contributions to the blogosphere.

DListed’s tried and true daily doses of ironic hilarity, including his famed “Hot Slut of the Day,” and “Caption This,” posts and the familiarity with which he’s bestowed friendly monikers like “Fishsticks” for Gwyneth Paltrow, “Vadge” for Madonna or Madge, and Rojo Caliente for Cynthia Nixon’s elusive partner Christine Marinoni, takes the gossip sites to a new level of smart, witty and wildly irreverent.

Despite his range of interests including “Cheesus,” a famed Jesus shaped Cheeto that resides in a jewelry box courtesy of the lovely Evangelical loony toon that put it there and his fascination with Salma Hayek’s "chi chis," it's Michael K’s Margaret Mead-like devotion to studying the habits of famous lesbians, or gayelles -- the name he’s adopted for the Sapphic set -- that sets him apart.

The elusive Michael K., who’s harder to spot in public than his favorite unicorn-like gayelle, Rojo Caliente, took time out from his round-the-clock slate of wet-the-knickers funny celebrity blog posts the day after the Emmy Awards to chat with SheWired.com about his fave gayelles. And, in the midst of a friendly game of “Who’s the Celebrity Girl on Girl Top?” he indulged in a mini lesson on lesbian sex.

SW: Hi Michael. Thank you for taking time out from blogging. I imagine it takes a lot of energy. You’re so creative.

MK: I’m not.

SW: Aww. I really want to talk to you about gayelles. But first, I’d like a little background about you because there’s not much out there. How did you get started?

MK: I worked at a job for M, which is like a Manhunt type thing. I wrote the letters and stuff and I kind of just started writing there on my down time. At lunch when I had nothing to do I would write about stuff. I didn’t think it would become anything. It was just stupid fun and then, it was about six months to a year later when I realized there were people reading it and that’s when I had to decide where I was going to go with it.

SW: What was the catalyst that made DListed turn a corner and take off?

MK: I don’t know. I never promoted it. I never advertised. That was never my goal. I think it was that my friends would read it and they’d send it to their friends. I used to post personal pictures and stuff because I saw it as both a personal blog and a blog about just things that I like. So that’s when I decided I wasn’t going to make it personal. I was just going to cover this and focus on that.

SW: What was the genesis of staples like “Hot Slut” and “Caption This?”

MK: My friend Jesse and I always use the term hot slut…a  positive thing.

SW: Of course.

MK: One day he was watching One Life to Live and he said “Oh my God, Dorian Lord is such a hot slut. You should post a picture of her and say she’s a hot slut.” So, that’s what I did and then it became a daily thing for people who weren’t very known or who weren’t famous.

SW: I love it. You are pretty behind the scenes compared to, say, Perez Hilton, who’s everywhere. Are we going to see more of you?

MK: It depends. I’m very skeptical because I don’t want to be like that. I feel like I’m already compared to Perez so much. Even if I do something that’s slightly like putting my toes out there, I’ll get people saying, “Oh don’t become Perez.” And I don’t want really want to become because I like the us versus them mentality. I’ve dabbled in things but I also don’t want to be cheesy. I’m not really good at being fake and on a lot of these TV shows and things, you kind of have to be showbizzy fake. And I can’t really do that. Even if I force myself. Plus, it’s easier for me to articulate through words than it is on the spot.

SW: I love your thorough gayelle coverage. When did you decide to claim the name?

MK: Well, there was an article I covered about this group… this movement of lesbians who wanted to be called gayelles because they feel like they are the female equivalent of the gays. So, Gay-elle. I thought it was kind of weird. I get bored saying the same thing all the time. So it became another word for lesbian.

SW: Well, it's thanks to you the term has a shelf life. On the subject of gayelles, we had a very special evening last night. Not only was it the Emmys but Rojo Caliente showed up. How did that make you feel when you saw your favorite gayelle?

MK: Ummm. I feel bad and I feel excited. I feel bad because I feel like she really doesn’t want attention and I’m giving her all this attention. People have actually sent me pictures of her on the street and I haven’t posted them because I feel bad. She’s not trying to be out there and she just happens to be in love with someone who’s famous. I get really excited and I want to talk about her but then I’m like, I kind of need to give her space.

SW: Awww. You care about Rojo.

MK: Now, if she were out there every night…

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SW: I know. Gloves off. Speaking of the ones who are out there every night…Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. What’s the deal with them. Are they really full on…

MK: Oh yeah. Don’t you think?

SW: Oh I do. But I wanted to hear it from you.

MK: No I do. But I think they’re being smart about it. For some reason I have respect for celebrities who aren’t hiding anything but also who don’t feel they have to come out on a magazine cover. I don’t think they need to do that. I just think they need to be themselves and not lie to anybody. That’s why I kind of like how they’re doing things.

SW: Now are you a Lindsay fan? Because I can’t get enough. I just think she’s the gift that keeps on giving.

MK: I go back and forth. I think I really liked her when she was a mess because I like messes. But when she started cleaning up I liked it.

SW: Okay... so the Emmys… Who was your favorite dress?

MK: None of them.

SW: Not even Brooke Shields?

MK: No. See I don’t like it when they look good. That’s not my best dressed. I never liked that. That’s probably my worst.

SW: Well. Phoebe Price looked pretty great.

MK: Well, but she doesn’t really count. She was there. I don’t know if she got in.

SW: There was a photo on AfterEllen.com of Vanessa Williams posing and Phoebe Price is marching around in the background.

MK: (laughs) And she does that too. She’ll march in the background. She’ll try to get on camera. She just doesn’t care.

SW: So none of them were a big enough mess for you?

MK: There were a few that were ok. But they’re TV people and TV people are all really boring. I feel like people are really playing it safe. Like even the VMA’s. They all looked normal.

SW: Okay, so I really want to do a match up of real or fantasy gayelle couples and do a who’s the top type thing. Would you be into that?

MK: Sure.

SW: First, one more thing about the Emmys. I was really into that category in which Glenn Close won Best Actress in a Drama or whatever. I’m wondering… of all those women with Glenn, Mariska,

MK: Kyra Sedgwick…

SW: Which one of them would win in an oil wrestling competition?

MK: Oh. Let me see, there’s Kyra. Oh Holly Hunter! I think she’s really backwoods.

SW: (laughs) That’s what my co-worker says about her.

MK: Yeah. She’s really backwoods. She probably opens beer with her teeth. Like, Kyra Sedgwick acts rough but I think she’s kind of dainty. And Glenn Close I think… well, she’s Glenn Close.

SW: Right.

MK: Who else?

SW: Sally Field.

MK: Oh wait. I think it would be between Holly Hunter and Sally Field. Sally Field’s kind of crazy.

SW: Okay….so top and bottom. I name a pair of names and you name the top. Who’s the top? Tina Fey or Amy Poehler…

MK: Umm. Let me think. You know, I would say, Tina’s the bottom.

SW: Ooooh.

MK: Because I always think the one that’s more like powerful is sometimes the one that likes to…

SW: Give it up in the bedroom.

MK: That’s what I would say.

SW: So this seems obvious and it isn’t fake but sometimes they surprise you. What about Lohan and Ronson?

MK: Well, yeah, I think it’s the obvious. Noooo. Yeah. I think it’s the obvious. Yeah.

SW: What about Penny and Salma?

MK: Oh, you know I think they switch it up. Because I think it’s mostly Salma but I think it makes it hard because of her really big breasts. Like… lesbian sex. I don’t understand lesbian sex all the way.

SW: What about it?

MK: So do you… not every couple uses dildos and stuff do they?

SW: No, no.

MK: Do most do strap-ons and stuff?

SW: In my world. Yes! But no… I think it’s very old school.

MK: To use strap ons and stuff?

SW: No. To not.

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MK: Oh. Now a days to you switch on and off or is there someone that’s like only the top that will only strap on? And one that will only…

SW: That’s rare… the ones who only strap it on. Like maybe some really big biker butches who may or may not have dated Angelina once upon a time. But I don’t really know.

MK: Wow. Who will only strap on? Are there some lesbians who will only eat pussy but won’t let a girl go down on them?

SW: Yes. That’s very old school butch. Stone butch.

MK: Good to know… How do they get off?

SW: I don’t really know. Ithink there's some friction that helps but I’ve never dated someone who won't let me touch them. I’m kind of like, what’s the point?

MK: But Salma and Penny. I think they switch.

SW: So… Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox.

MK: Oh. Aniston’s the top.

SW: (laughs)

MK: Although she’s kind of needy.

SW: I know. What’s that about?

MK: No! I think she’s the top because I think she wants to please so bad.

SW: Ohhh.

MK: And I feel bad for her. She feels like, if she gets Courteney off good enough she’ll never leave her.

SW: Cate Blanchett and Kate Winslet.

MK: Uhhh. Cate Blanchett… Ummm. I don’t know. What do most people say? I would say Blanchett. She’s won more Oscars.

SW: She’s won. Winslet has never.Okay…this is an old one… Valerie Bertinelli and Nancy Mckeon.

MK: Nancy Mckeon. I know it’s the obvious one.

SW: I think years ago it would have been Valerie but I think she’s switching it up a little.

MK: Yeah. But I don’t think Nancy Mckeon wouldn’t know how to receive. She wouldn’t know how to release.

SW: Poor Jo Polnachek. So, I don’t have much for you… but oh.. the Salma Hayek thing on Jimmy Kimmel when she did a production number and called him fat... 

MK: Oh, I didn’t see that.

SW: Her chichis look great.

MK: They always do. Even when they’re covered.

Stop by DListed.com for hot celebrity dish and the latest gayelle sightings.