I have only one friend who has ever done time in the joint.

Let me tell you about it. It was a scorcher of a day you see; the kind of sultry LA weather that made breathing so labored you thought the next breath would be your last. The grime hovering in the torpid summer air had assaulted her lungs so that the seediest part of LA was immortalized in her forever. It's like I always said, only two things in this world can make a dame go crazy: cruising Sunset Boulevard behind the wheel of a Packard 400 Patrician and the heat. That's right, the heat. LA heat can make a dame do crazy things...like mouthing off to the brass or flashing Jennifer Beals in a Quiznos. 

To be honest, I have no idea what the weather was like on that now infamous evening my friend got tossed in the clink. But I do know it involved an ex-girlfriend, a tinge of madness and most likely the words "crazy bitch" and "lunatic" wafting up in ear-shattering crescendos. Perhaps a bottle of Concha Y Toro was knocked on its side in the scuffle right before LAPD knocked on the door ready to take someone away.

I have often wondered why lesbians have such a fascination with prison themes, whether in adult films or fave series like The L Word. I'd be curious to know the psychology behind lesbians and their infatuation with gals behind bars. I mean, most people don't willingly set out to woo someone who's knocked over a five and dime, yet the fantasy of becoming some sexy inmate's prison bitch is the ultimate turn-on. I have no idea what the attraction is but naughty women behind bars sells.

Case in point, The Farm, The L Word spin off about a women's correctional facility that will star Leisha Hailey (Alice Pieszecki) as a prisoner. Who wouldn't drop the soap if it meant Hailey owning your ass during a stretch in the big house? Did Alice kill Jenny Schecter or is the adorable Pieszecki simply posing as an inmate for journalistic purposes?  We'll know soon enough, but for now women in stripes are hot.

Last week the gorgeous Janina Gavankar showed up on NCIS as an inmate in an all-women's correctional facility. Gavankar played Angela, who along with several other inmates, was involved in a hostile prison take over. Gavankar looked kick-ass in her wife beater tank and do-rag and made playing bad look as easy as stealing candy from a sleeping babe.

If her turn as Eva "Papi" Torres, The L Word's most recent lothario and orgasm inducer, is any indication, "naughty" flows freely though the veins of Gavankar's ripped arms. It's no wonder why Papi put Shane to shame in the boudoir and had LA's hottest banging on her door for naughty seconds.

Last week smokin' hot Lauren London, 90210's Christina, introduced us to her girlfriend, Tiffany. Filthy rich "Stina" has been getting a little too snug with Dixon for Silver's liking, so Dixon put the kibosh on any canoodling Stina may have had in mind during her daddy's star-studded barbecue. To his shock and probable future wet dream, Stina let Dixon know that she, too, had a girlfriend, "the cute soprano." The bisexual Stina has had boyfriends in the past but is making music for now with her sexy songstress. Will Silver and Stina hook up at some point in the future? He may not admit it, but you know perfectly well that Dixon is wearing out his genie lamp from all the rubbing hoping that wish comes true. Keep rubbing Dixon; I'm with you on that magical liason.

90210's AnnaLynne McCord (Naomi) and MILF Jennie Garth (Kelly) were presenters at last week's People's Choice Awards show. Garth looked adorable in her Jackie O'esq little black dress while McCord proved it's always better to stay quiet and look hot rather than speak in public without a rehearsal and script.

If the gossip is true, and I for one am keeping my fingers crossed that it is, McCord is a big homo. The sexy star was apparently caught cozying up and sharing a kiss with her gal pal while enjoying a dish of lesbian lentils at a West Hollywood eatery, and photos of McCord kissing the same dark-haired looking woman began to circulate late last year. If there really is a God, and I believe with my all being there is, then I pray for world peace, the global revitalization of plant and animal life and AnnaLynne on all fours getting her Beverly Hills booty spanked by this mysterious brunette.

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Did anyone else notice how strange the interaction was between Ellen DeGeneres and wife Portia at the People's Choice Awards? As expected, DeGeneres swept the category for favorite talk show host. With typical tongue-in-cheek humor, DeGeneres thanked her "roommate Portia."  Very funny, but that coupled with the fact that DeGeneres didn't even plant a small kiss on Portia's lips, let alone cheek, when her name was announced made me sit up slightly and whisper an ever-faint, "huh?"

It was a double scoop of cherries jubilee last Sunday with back-to-back episodes of 24, starring Cherry Jones as the President of the United States. Looking refreshed after a hiatus from filming, Jones and her presidential helmet hair were back in the Oval Office and ready to kick some serious terrorist ass.

Ostensibly portraying Hilary Clinton, Jones is superb as the country's first female president. If only the real-life lesbian Jones were president of the country--no Prop 8, fair and equitable treatment of all GLBT people and plenty of covert girl-on-girl activity when no one was looking....this is the White House we're talking after all.

The Real World: Brooklyn will be spending a season in Red Hook. My mother is anti-reality show but when she learned her childhood haunt was the setting for this salacious sleep-away camp for adults, her interest was piqued. This season The Real World features a trans woman named Katelynn and Sarah, a cute bisexual, who is now dating a man but logged most of her hours under the sheets in the past with women. If you missed the January 7^th premier, fret not, you still have eleven more episodes to catch to find out whether Sarah finds her way out of the nefarious world of girl/boy dating by season's end.

As for endings, it's almost time to bid adieu to two iconic series: The L Word and Battlestar Galactica. Brace up lesbians and grab that box of Kleenex because you're sure to feel a bit maudlin when the time actually comes to say goodbye to the gals we've fantasized about for years. BG's ripped armed lesbian icon Katee Sackhoff has incited plenty of fantasies as Captain Kara Thrace Starbuck, an ass-kicking, gun-toting nemesis to the Cylons. Sackhoff and her crew return January 16 and take their final bow as  defenders of the Twelve Colonies. Keep a sharp out for Sackhoff sightings, as the actress often turns up in guest roles.

As for the L Word, well, I can barely believe that the series is coming to an end. Like many other adorable, witty, albeit single gals, I've spent countless hours fantasizing and dreaming about the trendy clique of LA lesbians and countless more yelling at Bette through the TV for being a control freak and an emotional mess.

I've both hated and sympathized with Jenny, had copious amounts of fictitious sex with Helena while I was stuck in traffic and longed to share many a steaming cup of Joe with Alice while talking about Ella Fitzgerald and the O'Jays with Kit. I've never had such a diverse group of playmates: A sex addict, an heiress, a café owner, a museum director and dean, a movie producer, a writer and a radio talk show host. It really will feel like saying goodbye to old friends.

Whether you loved or despised the L Word, there's no disputing the fact that series creator Illene Chaiken satisfied millions of fantasies through her bevy of gorgeous, glamorous girls. While Chaiken's portrayal may not have been for everyone, her depiction of lesbian life transcended sexuality and found a very public spot for itself in television pop culture.