15 Stages of Going to a Lesbian Party, as Told by Clueless

Going to a club for a lesbian party is probably the closest thing we’ll ever get to what prom must have felt like for all the straight people in high school. You gather up all your friends, arrive wearing outfits on fleek, and justifiably feel the need to have some sort of a grand entrance.

But no matter how over the top your night gets, the progression always sort of goes the same.

STAGE 1: Mental Preparation. Before all the craziness, one must get in the mood.

In order to make it through tonight, you have to be in a great mood.

STAGE 2: Getting Ready. It's is a process.

We likened this night to what prom was for straight people. Do you remember how long it took everyone to get ready for prom? Luckily, we're adults in America, so we can drink during this stage. #pregame

STAGE 3: Transportation. Best be getting a cab, because who can be trusted to remain DD at a lesbian party?

Seriously, don't be stupid. Get a cab, and don't let anyone drive.

STAGE 4: The Line. It's going to take for fucking ever, but you know you and your crew be looking fierce.

Either you need to pay for a cover, buy tickets, have your tickets scanned, or dispute the fact that your ID isn't expired, but never fear: waiting in line lends to A LOT of eye flirting, and showing off all your hard work from getting ready.

STAGE 5: Entering. Passing through always results in a celebratory group dance break.

Okay, now that you've all got that out of the way, where’s the bar at?!

STAGE 6: Procuring A Drink. Might piss off someone's girlfriend with your innocent shoulder bumps.

This generally takes forever, because literally everyone wants a drink. But whatever, more time to flirt with the women around you also waiting for drinks. And HEY, maybe someone will buy you one.

STAGE 7: Dancing With Friends. This is what tonight is about. Go all out.

You got dressed up and drunk to do one thing, and that was enjoy the night with your people, so once you're on the floor with your girls, nothing is stopping you.

STAGE 8: Bathroom Line. Where you'll hear all the gossip, and quite a bit of shit talking.

You've had a ton of drinks, been dancing up a storm, and now you have to pee. Shit's going to get really real in the bathroom line, because everyone knows the women's line is always longer. And you're at a girl party.

STAGE 9: Continuing Intoxication. Because what else are you supposed to do other than drink and grind on women?

There's never only one trip to the bar on ladies night! By this point, you recognize the bartenders, are finding new cuties to flirt with, and buying more drinks than you probably had budgeted.

STAGE 10: Dancing Alone. Because you've lost your friends, but Rihanna is playing.

Pretty much after 2+ drinks, there's a good chance you'll end up separated from your people for whatever reason, and you end up wandering on to the dance floor alone. 

STAGE 11: Unwanted Touching. There's always a creepy one. And she's got her eyes on you.

But you don't let that shit slide! But try not to start...

STAGE 12: Drama. Don't forget that you're surrounded by a bunch of drunk women. 

When that many women are drunk in one place, all trying to look good and get attention, someone starts drama. Maybe it's you, maybe it's your friend, or maybe it's a stranger fucking with your crew. If you end the night without one bout of drama, consider it an epic night.

STAGE 13: Photo Opportunity. No night is complete with one new Instagram post.

You didn't get ready for nothing.

STAGE 14: Bestie Lap. Where you saunter around, looking fly as hell, next to your ride-or-die.

Lapping the bar and checking in with your best friend is easily the best part of the night.

STAGE 15: Exit. You have to leave sometime. Realize when the moment presents itself, and take it.

You definitely took more trips to the bar than the 1 time, so by the time you're leaving and your feet hurt, and you're ready to give your body and eyes a break from holding you together. But the party is obviously sad to see you go.

Drink Responsibly!