We shouldn’t have to tell you twice that biphobia is real. Queer people don't all experience homophobia in the same way, and biphobia is extremely prevalent within the queer community.
So we were so happy to see YouTuber Ashley Mardell bringing this issue to light.
In “(some) BISEXUALS EXPLAIN DATING (some) LESBIANS,” Ashley delves into biphobia by giving bi folks the space to discuss how bi people feel about biphobia, and their subsequent experiences of dating lesbians. The video was made up with a variety of bi folks, which made it unique, as we weren’t just getting one bi person's perspective. However, there was definite overlap among their experiences with biphobia, or at least their fear of it.
Ashley chatted with a YouTuber, Savannah Brown, who identifies as bisexual, but has only dated men. Ashley jokingly asked if Savannah could be bisexual without dating a woman, and called herself out, singing, “All you need to validly be bi is to identify.”
Savannah explained how it felt to come out as bi, saying, “I felt this overwhelming, crushing need to prove how bi i was. To prove how hot I thought women were.”
When asked if they’ve experienced weirdness from a lesbian partner, Amy Geliebter said, “The lesbian I am currently dating is super, super accepting of bisexuality. Didn’t even bat an eyelash when I told her I was bi.”
But while some bi people have had luck dating lesbians, and not struggled with biphobia within their relationship, they've had to deal with it from others.
“I’ve had a problem from other people,” said fellow YouTuber Rosie. “It’s quite upsetting that people without knowing the facts would be like, ‘No, I’d never date a bisexual.’”
“If the relationship is going to work,” Rosie said, “there are other factors, like love and trust. Your sexuality doesn’t affect that.”
Gaby Dunn talked about the exclusion that many bi folks feel from lesbian spaces. “I don’t love the implication I get from lesbians that I’m somehow less than, like I shouldn’t be involved in their group or I’ve had it easier or like, well, ‘At the end of the day you could just date a man, and you’d be fine.’”
Gaby continued, saying, “There is biphobia in the lesbian community that makes it tough in that if you’re a lesbian who doesn’t have negative feelings about bisexuals, your friends might, and they might give you shit. Or the high-fiving over being gold star.”
So there you have it, folks. Especially when you take the mental health of bisexuals into account, a sense of community is so necessary, and it's damaging to have queer women promoting biphobia. So lesbians, have our backs. It's not always easy to be the bi girl in the group, and it's helpful to know someone will stand at your side and refuse to let biphobia pass by.