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'Heathers' Returns as Bravo Scripted Series

'Heathers' Returns as Bravo Scripted Series

Heathers is one of the best teen movies ever; hell, one of the best movies ever. The 1980s satire is still eminently quotable and never gets old. So, why do we need to bring something back to life that’s not really dead?

Well, Heather is coming back as a Bravo (yes, the Housewives channel) scripted series, in what sounds like an ill-advised iteration. Let us explain: The Big C’s Jenny Bicks is writing a pilot where Winona Ryder’s Veronica returns to her Ohio hometown with her daughter in tow, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The teen is now subjected to mean girls named Ashley, many of whom are the offspring of the living Heathers (one of which was famously and amazingly portrayed by Shannon Doherty: “Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?”).

If we truly are bereft of original ideas, wouldn’t a Heathers prequel be better? Maybe a reboot with the movie’s original ending (everyone dies in the school explosion)? Something tells us Ryder wouldn’t touch this with a 10-foot pole, and even Doherty – now doing Education Connection commercials – would likely prefer to break bread with Tori Spelling than lend her name to this. But we’ll give it a chance, especially if there are funny murders, quippy dialogue, and a Martha Dumptruck reboot.

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Neal Broverman