These Lesbians Have Nice Tweets

If your Twitter timeline needs a dose of humor, follow Gaysayer, The Advocate’s LBGT comedy feed. Host and comedian Jami Smith brings you daily tweets by the funniest gay comedians and straight allies. On this very special lesbian edition, we’re showcasing our favorite tweets from some of the lady Gaysayer All-Stars.

Jami Smith, Host

Sometimes there are few bumpy Anne Heches on the road to Portia DeRossi

— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) November 1, 2011

You'd think this bow tie would let me skip a few periods.

— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) December 5, 2011

This bed isn't big enough for my dog, your 2 cats, and our dwindling sex life.

— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) October 15, 2011

Jill Kushner

In addition to being the title of a new movie, "The Iron Lady" is the worst nickname I ever had for my vagina.

— Jill Kushner (@TheJillKushner)

December 8, 2011

Outside of a lesbian bar. A girl is talking about her period. #LetsNotGiveItAllAwayAtTheDoorLadies

— Jill Kushner (@TheJillKushner) November 18, 2011

Spending my Saturday boning up on "American Chopper." -said most lesbians.

— Jill Kushner (@TheJillKushner) November 12, 2011

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Lianna Carrera

sometimes I make the "jack-off" hand-motion in response to things that piss me off. But in my mind I shake and toss an invisible hacky sack.

— Lianna Carrera (@LiannaC) November 19, 2011

Spooning leads to Forking. Unless you've been dating a while. Then spooning leads to Food Coma.

— Lianna Carrera (@LiannaC) November 7, 2011

you guys, people use AA batteries for things other than vibrators, right? So I can stop telling the cashier they are for a friend??

— Lianna Carrera (@LiannaC)

November 4, 2011

Janine Brito

Every time an old lady yells at me, I wonder if it's actually me from the future warning me to get my shit together.

— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) December 17, 2011

Since my gf works in foodservice, our sexy workplace role-play involves aprons and strained fake smiles rather than desks and pencil skirts.

— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) December 13, 2011

Is it possible to get a PhD in I TRIED, Mother. ?

— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) December 5, 2011

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Claudia Cogan

I need a boob job. Something clerical.

— Claudia Cogan (@blaudiablogan) December 12, 2011

It's nice living in a time when a violently wrong and anti-gay stance could backfire. Also great new yogurt flavors.

— Claudia Cogan (@blaudiablogan)

December 8, 2011

Of all the things about my parents divorce I hated, having too few adult relatives for a team on Family Feud really hurt.

— Claudia Cogan (@blaudiablogan) November 14, 2011

Jessica Halem

who is going to write the song that goes "i kissed a girl and her skin was hard and firm and she smelled like leather"

— Jessica Halem (@jessicahalem) December 17, 2011

Everytime @Grindr posts about marriage equality - an angel loses his hard-on.

— Jessica Halem (@jessicahalem) December 9, 2011

Hillary Clinton's speech was groundbreaking because after endless re-posting on Facebook by gay men - not one of them mentioned her hair.

— Jessica Halem (@jessicahalem) December 7, 2011

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