When Lesbians Sleep With Men: Forbidden Pleasures?

Read one writers opinion about the differences between lesbians who have and who have not had sex with men.

Lesbians Who've Had Sex With Men... And Those Who Haven't

By Erica Gould

Hey girls, here is a question that will stir up plenty of debate at your next dinner party: Is there a difference between lesbians who have had sex with men (even just once) and lesbians who have never been with men?

Let me begin by telling you I have had sex with men, although it has been years. It was great, by the way—I love how that penis device men have is permanently attached. But it wasn't so great that it changed my mind about being a lesbian.

Yes, I knew I was a lesbian when I had sex with men. To be frank, I was just passing time with guys until I found another lesbian. Once I entered a relationship with a woman, I never had sex with a man again.

So that's my story.

On a broader level, most of the lesbians I know have had sex with a man at some point in their lives.

Now I am going to get into hot water for this with some of you, but judging by my circle of lesbian friends and acquaintances, I do think lesbians who have had sex with men are less invested in their identity as lesbians than lesbians who have never had sex with men.

I should note that I find the same to be true for gay men who have had sex with women vs. gay men who haven't had sex with women.

I am not saying that lesbians who have had sex with men aren't sure of their sexual orientation—I, for one, know I am a lesbian. But I do find the lesbians I know who have had sex with men are less vigilant about protecting their lesbian identities. (And I should clarify that I'm not saying lesbians who have had sex with men are more feminine—I've met butch women who have had sex with guys.)

As for lesbians who haven't had sex with men, they sure do get mad at those of us who have. They take it as a slap in the face and act like we're hurting the lesbian cause. This was a long time ago, but I remember one girl at a party arguing that she was more "pure" than lesbians who had been "tainted" by men. Yes, she used the words pure and tainted, and no, she wasn't a member of the religious right. She was an Ivy League educated lesbian living in Brooklyn if I recall correctly.

Gay guys who haven't had sex with women don't seem to get as angry at gay men who have dallied with girls—if anything, they're simply grossed out and don't want to hear any of that vagina talk.

Now it's your turn to speak. Going back to the original question posed, is there a difference between lesbians who have had sex with men and lesbians who haven't?

Take SheWired’s poll (below) then share your feelings in the comments.

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