As the season draws closer and closer to its finale, it seems the question is not, 'Who will die?' but rather, 'Will anyone at all live?' Alas, Sarah Paulson fans, even though she actually is still alive it seems the CGI-ing of two Sarah Paulsons may have been a little too expensive, so she's absent from this episode as both of her go on the quest to get separation surgery. But even without Dot and Bette, there's till plenty of action at the Freak Show and, of course, plenty to learn..
1. Gabourey Sidibe has come to shut this nonsense down: This week, Dandy and Gloria's former maid Dora's daughter comes to town to find out why the hell it's taken her mom so long return a phone call. As you'll remember, Dora was Dandy's first "I'm a murderer now, Mother!" victim, and as much as Gloria seems to believe her story that Dora is at the market buying squash will work, it's a thin and sketchy excuse that Gabourey Sidibe can see right through. But will she make it out alive? (Let's just say no right now).
2. Revenge is a dish best served thematic: A couple weeks ago, poor Penny was tattooed, scarred, and shaved into a lizard woman by her dad just because she wanted to date Freak Show Paul. Well, since Penny wanted to date a freak, her furious dad decided was going to make sure she looked like one too! Naturally, Penny's had some trouble adjusting, but luckily she's surrounded by women who understand her struggle and won't stand for that type of behavior against one of their own. They decide to kidnap Penny's dad and do a little tar and feathering to match his 'chickenshit' behavior. They go through with most of the gruesome plot, but thanks to some reasoning from Emma Roberts they decide to stop right before he's completely murdered. So in the future, if you're exacting revenge, make sure it's appropriate to the situation or based on some punny wordplay. (And for the record, let's state that the real lesson is maybe don't exact gruesome revenges at all).
3. Frances Conroy needs to be more present in our lives: Frances Conroy has been an AHS staple for three of the four seasons now, but she's always one of the absolute bests parts of it. We would have watched an entire show of her character in Coven just wandering around mumbling incoherent fancy things, getting burned to death, and rising from the grave on multiple occasions. This season she's been less present as Gloria, Dandy's doting mom, even though she got a little more screen time than usual today. In this episode we learn she's been talking to a psychiatrist about her issues with Dandy's murderous lifestyle, and now she's on a mission to try to get him to talk to get some help himself. We learn he's not truly to be to blame (due to a series of poor decisions that involved Gloria marrying her second cousin), and Gloria only continues to defend him, even going so far as to plan an escape mission. Dandy's not having this and threatens to kill himself. Sadly, he kills Frances Conroy instead and a little piece of the audience's last nerve in the process. Not Frances Conroy! Any chance she can be revived from the dead to wander around mumbling incoherently once more?
4. No one is safe from getting impaled through the face: Kathy Bates's Ethel and Jessica Lange's Elsa have had a pretty rocky relationship this season. Though apparently very close, they've grown apart since Ethel started to see Elsa for the unbearable screeching diva she is. After finding out that Ma Petite was "killed by an animal" Ethel suspects foul play and turns on Elsa. Their fight - which also involves some backstory on how Elsa got her wooden legs from Danny Huston - turns into Ethel's announcement that the best way to deal with this will be a murder-suicide. Elsa pretends to give in but ends up whipping around just in time to hurl a knife into Ethel's head. Elsa then enlists Stanley's help to make the death look like a suicide and weeps copiously in front of all the freaks so they don't blame her. Of course, Ethel's son Jimmy is now in a state of incurable drunken rage, but so are we because Kathy Bates will no longer be gracing us with her presence.
5. The Freak Show must go on: Elsa's had quite a week. She threw a knife into her best friend's face, her pal Ma Petite's in a jar in a museum, and her highest-grossing act is trying to split up. But despite the tragedy everywhere and nearly every person on this show telling her the curtain must come down, she decides to go and recruit some more acts in one last attempt to keep the magic alive. She first enlists Penny's newfound Lizard Girl, then goes on a field trip to scout some new talent. She finds a young Upper East Sider named Barbara, a once-debutante who's been sent to a weight-loss facitility by her mother. Barbara's happy the way she is, however, and Elsa's happy to keep her that way. She takes the new Fat Lady, now renamed "Ima Wiggles," back to the Freak Show where she's greeted by a lot of, "Why are you adding a new act while we really should be closing down?" However, in the bleak world of AHS: Freak Show, Barbara's positive attitude is very much welcome so we're happy to have her around. It's a shame she'll probably get murdered soon. Watch the video below for next week's promo!
