When we last left the most adorable fictional lesbian hot doc couple in network television history all was starting to become right again in the world of Callie (Sara Ramirez) and Arizona (Jessica Capshaw) despite Arizona’s callously dumping Callie at an airport, Callie’s subsequent repeated rebound dalliance with Mark (Eric Dane) that resulted in a pregnancy that might actually work out for the accidental threesome.
Despite her anger over Callie bed hopping with the hospital lothario, and her best friend, Arizona opted to forgive Callie for sleeping with ‘someone with a penis’ and to emotionally adopt the baby as her own. At the close of the last episode, Callie and Arizona were making out and ripping each other’s clothes off, and well, that’s fun for the viewer.
Cue this week’s episode and Arizona is making Callie a kale and apple juice smoothie. “It’s time to think less about your cravings…” Arizona says, adding that Callie needs to start filling her body with nutrients. Now, this appears to be a moot discussion because if Callie could think less about her ‘cravings’ they wouldn’t be in this two lesbians and a baby daddy situation with Mark.
Eschewing the nutrient delicious beverage Arizona has so lovingly whipped up Callie says she needs her coffee, and being one of those highly dependent on coffee people myself, I completely commiserate with Callie.
Enter Mark from across the hall. “Mark, tell the woman, I’m allowed to drink one cup of regular coffee.” And this is where Arizona is a better woman than I because that front door of mine would have six dead bolts and an industrial strength chain to keep the neighbors – namely Mark -- out. “Sure you are,” Mark says.
That’s when peds doc Arizona lays on the stats about birth defects, low birth weight etc., and she manages to get Mark to see her point rather quickly. They take a quick vote and decide that Callie should forgo the coffee and opt for Arizona’s ‘goo.’ No comment…
Later, at Seattle Grace Callie’s working with Owen (Kevin McKidd) and April (Sarah Drew) on a dumbass kid who used his body as the artillery in a human slingshot, and has dislocated both of his hips, among other things, all to film it for YouTube.
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
A cup or two shy of any coffee allotment Callie is noticeably irritable. She’s studying the slingshot kid’s x-rays when April’s squeaky voice sets her on edge. “Kepner, I need you to speak differently,” Callie insists. “It’s your voice."
“You mean with an accent?” April asks. And realizing the impossibility of having that request fulfilled Callie asks April to get her a muffin and cup of coffee. And then the internal, but verbalized externally, battle begins and Callie goes through a series of yes, no, yes before finally settling on no regarding the coffee. On a side note…these fetuses today are so spoiled. When my generation’s parents were having kids they drank, smoked, ate Swanson’s processed TV Dinners nightly, attended key parties, popped Valium and took Thalidomide, and we turned out just fine depending on your assessment of ‘fine.’
Still battling her coffee demons Callie is casually pouring herself a cup of Seattle’s finest beans in the break room when Arizona pops in “What are you doing?”
“Uhhh. I looked it up and those studies showed birth defects in rats, and I’m not a rat,” Callie offers, trying to pull innocent bystander Teddy (Kim Raver) into the conversation. Arizona continues her protestations and Callie asserts that she has to fix multiple fractures, which changes everything and apparently means she can’t do it without java to steady the nerves.
“Mark’s not here so it’s your vote against mine,” Callie adds. “I need caffeine!”
And this is where Arizona lays on the guilt with the skill of a seasoned mother. –“Ok, you need caffeine that badly Calliope…”--Arizona always uses the full name when she means business. “You’re a grown up. You can make your own decisions…” she adds, shaking her head disdainfully as Teddy looks on with a smirk and Callie struggles with the sweet nectar right under her nose.
“Damn it! That is not fair, you’re not fair!” Callie says with a whine, placing the coffee down and walking out of the room. And just like that we know who the top is!
Teddy praises Arizona on her perspicacity in the laying on the guilt arena. “I’m entitled to an opinion. I’ve been left out of too much of the conversation already, and I sure as hell did not choose Mark Sloane to be the father, so… If I’m gonna do this then I’m gonna have a voice,” Arizona says, sipping on Callie’s coffee and exclaiming, "God that's good!"
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
The next time we see Callie she’s straddling slingshot boy on the operating table attempting to shove his hips back into place while arguing with Owen, who can't hide his contempt for the kid for attempting such a ridiculous feat. “Idiots like this shouldn’t be able to make any decisions,” he says, striking a nerve with preggers and Callie.
“It is his body! You don’t get to say what he can and can’t do with it. He is a person. He gets to make his own damn choices,” Callie says beginning her screed. “I am going through the worse caffeine withdrawals of my life because someone thinks that being pregnant means that I’m no longer of sound fricking mind!”
“You’re pregnant?” wild-eyed April asks. “Shut up,” is Callie’s resounding reply. “I’m not endangering my baby. I just want one damned cup of coffee.”
Being a no nonsense type of guy Owen asks April to get Callie a cup of coffee before attempting to offer up advice, or a shoulder or something regarding her pregnancy situation. “Oh whatever,” Callie says. “Just get up here and help me with this hip!”
Later, back at the den of “Heather has Two Mommies and a Narcissistic Baby Daddy Who Lives Across the Hall” Mark and Arizona are cooking dinner for Callie – grilled chicken breast, brown rice and broccoli. But just as Arizona lays out the menu for Callie she notices the cup in her girlfriend’s hand.
“Is that coffee?” she says sourly.
“Yes. It is. And here’s the thing. I get that things are going to be different now and that’s why I’m going to eat that chicken, even though the only thing I want right now is a peanut butter sandwich.”
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
“Great,” Arizona says thinking she’s won.
“Oh, I’m not done,” Callie says. “If we’re going to do this whole everybody gets a vote thing there’s going to be a new system. We’ll still all each get one vote, but also, the baby gets a vote. As I house the baby I’ll be speaking for him / her. And, since I’ll be pushing this baby out of a very small hole in my body I’ll also be getting an extra special vagina vote, so that’s three votes for us, two votes for you guys. We get the final say.”
But Callie’s not done standing up for caffeine addicts worldwide. “I’ll be using my many votes to say that once a day I will have one cup of regular coffee, is perfectly fine according to the studies I've read, until I begin breastfeeding.”
“Now, anyone want to argue with my extra special vagina vote?” she demands. And there’s a grumbling of a “no thank you” from Mark and Arizona. But the negotiating is not done. Callie demands that Mark give her a foot rub, which I’m pretty sure she should be getting from her girlfriend. But, if Mark’s hands are strong and Arizona is lazy about giving rubs then I guess there’s no harm.
Still, Arizona is not done negotiating. She barters one peanut butter sandwich if Callie promises to eat her broccoli. “Done,” Callie says.
And that’s it for the lovebirds and the best friend / baby daddy for this week. Let’s hear it for that ‘extra special vagina vote.” You know, Shonda Rhimes might be on to something. Imagine the possibilites if all women garnered an extra vote based on their possessing a vagina.
Follow SheWired on Twitter!
Follow SheWired on Facebook!
Be SheWired's Friend on MySpace!
