How to Stay Friends With Your Ex

First of all, we’d like to say good for you for being mature and acting like an adult in this relationship situation, because the fact that your girlfriend is friend with one of her exes is a GOOD thing, not bad.

However how you choose to handle this is going to send a lot of messages to both your girlfriend and her ex about how viable of a partner you are, so if you like your girl and want to keep her, make sure you act right.

Don’t try and get in the middle of their friendship—but do try and become her friend independently.

If you try and get in the middle of their friendship, it’s only going to seem like you’re the kid who never got picked for the dodgeball team. What will work is sitting back, getting to know the dynamic of their friendship, and trying to figure out how to embark on independent friendship with her ex.

Don’t be pushy—but do make sure they don’t leave you out 100% of the time.

Per our last point, sitting in the proverbial “back seat” is your best route toward forging a friendship, but if you sit back there too long, too many times, you also run the risk of being a forgotten force in a friendship that already involves two people with more history than you have with anyone.

Don’t expect to always be included—but do expect to always be informed on what’s happening.

You need to be okay with not always being invited, because codependency looks bad on everyone, but you shouldn’t be okay with not being informed on what their plans are. It’s weird if your girlfriend doesn’t see the point in sharing that with you, and you should definitely say something if that’s the case.

Don’t try to hard—but don’t act like an apathetic bitch.

You know how unattractive it is to see someone trying incredibly hard to fit in, but to do that to your girlfriend and her ex is the perfect formula to make everyone uncomfortable and likely solidify an end date to your relationship. But the flip side of that, is acting like an apathetic, unfriendly bitch, who wants nothing to do with them, which also might ensure the end of your relationship, but for seeming like you don’t care, rather than caring too much.

Don’t ask weird questions to the both of them—but do ask your girlfriend questions about things you get weird vibes about.

If a question pops into your head about their past, it’s better to ask your girlfriend alone than asking them together. They might feel uncomfortable about sharing something with you, especially if it involves weird details that will make them feel uncomfortable too. Steer on the side of caution, and keep your questions to yourself, unless it’s just you and your girl again.

Don’t get jealous—but don’t send the message that you aren’t interested.

Keep your jealousy in check, and let your girlfriend know if you ever are feeling insecure about something. If you don’t have these conversations and address whatever it is that’s making you feel jealous, you will let those insecurities pent up, your demeanor will convey disinterest, and you best believe they’ll take notice.