22 Signs You're a Bigger Lesbian Than You Thought

(Me, Katie, in one of my gayer moments)

I came out 8 years ago and counting, but each year I seem to get a little bit gayer.  Or maybe just more comfortable in my skin.  Either way, if you can identify with at least 5 items on this list, you're probably a lesbian.  

1.  Every time a celebrity comes out as a lesbian or bisexual, you say "Duh, I've known this forever" then immediately Google her and learn everything you can about her, watch everything she's been in, and start mirroring her wardrobe.  Basically you become her number one fangirl. 

2.  You were especially excited when Raven Symone came out, as that justified the hours you spent binge-watching the Disney Channel long after you were too old for such things.

3.  You will watch anything—literally anything—with even the slightest hint of lesbian content or storylines in it, no matter how terrible, inaccurate, or ultimately insulting to lesbians it is.

4.  You aren't particularly handy, but Home Depot is still one of your favorite stores and you can spend hours looking at paint or wandering around the garden section.

5.  Occasionally you decide that you are, in fact, very handy, and purchase a bunch of raw materials from Home Depot in order to undertake a time-consuming and expensive DIY project.

(yes that is actually me with my friend Erica building succulent gardens out of wooden pallets at midnight)

6.  Your closet resembles Doug Funnie's; i.e. you have at least three copies of all of your favorite shirts.

7.  On that note, at least two of those favorite shirts are white, gray, or black deep v necks and wifebeaters.

8.  And on that note, you cringe every time you refer to your tank top as a "wifebeater," even though that's what it's called, and get randomly angry at the patriarchy and violent men.

9.  You get disappointed when you notice that your cute new coworker with the Tegan Quin haircut and penchant for flannel has long, perfectly manicured fingernails.  Fucking hipsters!

10.  But you have discovered by accident that you can stare at a woman's chest while talking to her and she won't notice or call you out.  Same goes for checking out girl's butts in public.

11.  You always volunteer to carry amazingly heavy/bulky items even though doing so will probably injure you for life. 

12.  If a guy asks if you need help while you are carrying said amazingly heavy/bulky item, you will staunchly refuse and then promptly climb the nearest set of steps to show just how strong and capable you are.

13.  You have owned/rescued or have dated someone who has owned/rescued a pit bull.

(this is my actual girlfriend with her actual pit bull rescue)

14.  You know that you're supposed to use those special mesh laundry bags for your bras and underwear, but you just can't be fucking bothered.

15.  Scrunching mousse or gel through your wet hair and letting it air-dry is as high-maintenance as you'll get.  You stopped heat styling your hair after college because 'ain't nobody got time.'

16.  When hanging with your girlfriend's family, you find yourself included in all the male-bonding activities with her dad, brothers, uncles, etc. such as grilling and/or touch football.

17.  You like cold pressed juice and organic produce, but will never say no to chocolate, cake, baby back ribs, loaves of bread, etc. Because fuck diets.

18.  You resent the hell out of your period, yet won't get a hysterectomy because you get spurts of maternal instinct when you hold other people's babies and think "Well, maybe someday."

19.  Whenever you're forced into straight-girl activities a la bridal or baby showers—which you absolutely loathe—you make a beeline for the bar, then locate the oldest woman in the room (usually a grandma) and chat her up over Bloody Mary's about the 1940's for the next five hours. 

20.  You get irritated when men offer you unsolicited weight-lifting or posture advice at the gym. 

21. The fact that you lift weights on the regular to begin with.

22.  And finally…You've developed an amazingly strong upper body since you started dating women.  And it's not from the gym.  

(me with some strong lesbians at lezolympics 2014)