Tis the season!!!

Mariah has said it's officially time so welcome to the holidays!

A time to eat, be merry, be gay, and do crimes — I mean, celebrate with family and friends. One of the best things about the holidays is it is the perfect time to cozy and cuddle up with movies that make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Something about watching people return home to their small town to help the folks who live there find the last set of Christmas lights in the world and true love just makes me feel so festive and happy.

So, I shall be watching queer holiday movies and letting you know my thoughts as I go. Many of you are probably just now buying your tickets home for Thanksgiving, so let's start there. First up is the 2018 film, Lez Bomb, starring Jenna Laurenzo as Lauren (who also wrote and directed) and Caitlin Mehner as Hailey.

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Lauren is queer and in a relationship with Hailey but isn't out to her conservative family — so she decides to bring her girlfriend home for Thanksgiving and finally let them know she's dykin'. I'm sure chaos will ensue and also Cloris Leachman is in this movie which is wild to me so at least we know there will be a dash of horny happening.

Here are 57 thoughts I had while watching Lez Bomb!

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1. This movie is an hour and a half long and I love that for me.
2. Is Jersey City this adorable? If so I would like to go to there.
3. LOL the way she walked up to her I thought a dental dam was about to be whipped out.
4. Why is this lesbian in a mini-van so rude?
5. This is the most uncomfortable way to climb on top of someone lol.
6. Hailey wants to fuck okay?! She has been eyeing her girlfriend all night and that red wine is hitting.
7. I KNOW HIM, BUT WHERE DO I KNOW HIM FROM??!!! IS IT THE '90S?!?!
8. Wait...what's happening? Who died?
9. I WAS RIGHT, SHE IS TRYING TO FUCKKKK!!
10. I'm sorry but I don't know how I would feel about coming to Thanksgiving as a "friend" after your mom just said she doesn't like surprises and asked about a boyfriend.
11. I too have done this walk home where I'm trying to nail my "Mom, Dad —I'm gay" script.
12. He is correct, it is WILD to come out at Thanksgiving lol
13. "Since when are you into politics...and lesbians?"
14. What are these rings she's wearing?
15. Did he just call him Denzel? That's crazy. This movie came out in 2018 so yes...that is crazy.
16. Do parents really ask about their kids' sex lives?
17. Awww! Look at the smile when she sees her babbbbbyyyyy!!!!
18. Flowers and wine? She's a keeper!!!
19. Why does she hate Austin so much? LOL What did he do to her?
20. Flannel and a beanie? It's officially a lesbian movie.
21. Since when do holiday meats equal marriage?
22. Cloris Leachman was a comedic fucking genius.
23. OH NO GRANDPA SAW THE DYKES SMOOCHING!!!
24. Wait, a writer and a lawyer?!?!
25. IT'S THE DAD FROM IT TAKES TWO!!
26. Just realized they are wearing the same horrendous shirt.
27. OMG IT'S THE ALMOST STEP-MOM FROM THE PARENT TRAP! It's a '90s kinda world in this film!
28. Grandad having this dyke quips at the ready is rather suspect.
29. AN ITCHY LADY GARDEN?!
30. Smoking weed in your parents' house is a rite of passage it seems.
31. UNTIL THE HOUSE GOES UP IN FUCKING FLAMES.
32. It's the dad from Mrs. Maisel!! I remember now!!
33. Mom's have to realize that they coddle their sons too much and this is why the straight girlies have to deal with giant babies or incels.
34. I wanna hate these jokes about meat and pies but...I do not. Does this make me a bad queer?
35. Is this person like the leader of a lesbian drug dealing ring in New Jersey? That's a movie I care about.
36. I know people want to come out during the holidays but I don't understand that — SO MUCH PRESSURE!!
37. Also is this all taking place in one fucking day?!?!
38. I'm sorry but with this haircut and floral jacket, I wouldn't be able to take this dyke dealer seriously.
39. Wait – is that child of legal drinking age?
40. LOL THIS IS THE FAKEST TURKEY I'VE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE!
41. She's being kinda shady tho, 'cos like, you acted like you were down and now you're threatening to fuck my brother — that's wild behavior.
42. Ok, so she isn't supposed to be drinking.
43. Of course, the aunt figures it out first.
44. Scissoring is real, I promise you that it's real.
45. This is a very weird fight to be having right now.
46. THIS IS SO CHAOTIC LOL. SHE KISSED HER BROTHER FOR WHAT? LIKE FOR WHAAAATTTT?!!
47. A lesbian hari-krishna, please?
48. Why does it matter if she slept with this guy one time before they were together? I'm confusion.
49. WHAT IS HAPPENING? IS HE CONFESSING HIS LOVE RIGHT NOW? LOL WHAAAAATTTT??
50. The last, like, 15 minutes of this movie is so fucking chaotic.
51. WAIT...DID SHE JUST SCREAM "I DON'T WANNA BE GAY?"
52. SHE NEVER TOLD HER SHE LOVED HER?
53. WHY IS ALL THIS HAPPENING WHEN THE MOVIE IS ALMOST OVER?!
54. I hate the whole "Lesbians are nicer than men" narrative — I have known plenty of evil dykes.
55. Ew, what a weird thing to say to him, "It would have been you?" No, it absolutely would not have been.
56. At WORK?
57. Flowers and a U-haul, the queer mark of true love.