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Bisexuals are like everyone else, except we’re not. We’re attracted to people of our own gender and those who are not our gender. Now we’re not different from other people (and sexualities) because of false assumptions: We’re “going through a phase,” sexually greedy, promiscuous, secretly gay, live for threesomes, or can’t be monogamous. Let's not forget my favorite myth about bisexuality: It doesn’t exist. Then what are you looking at, honey? These are examples of hurtful lies that perpetuate biphobia and bi-erasure.
There are some actual things you should know about bisexuals if you plan to date one.
1. If we like you and want to be with you, it means we like you and want to be with you.
One of the most harmful false assumptions about bisexuals is that we can never be satisfied with just one partner. If we’re dating a woman, we must secretly be yearning for a man’s touch and vice-a-versa. As bisexuals, we acknowledge people of other genders are attractive. Just like gay men in committed relationships still acknowledge other men are attractive. That doesn’t mean we’re going to leave you for someone of another gender. We like you for more than your body parts. It’s problematic if you can’t see that. We still may leave you for someone else because that happens in relationships, but we may leave you for someone of your gender as well.
2. Our sexuality doesn’t disappear because we’re in a committed relationship with you.
We’re still bi, and it’s still important for us to identify bi. It’s still a part of who we are and it has nothing to do with you. Even if we’ve been exclusively dating for years, we will still identify as bi because it’s important for bi visibility and it’s important for own wellbeing to express our identity.
3. We don’t always want to talk about our (bi)sexuality.
I always end up discussing my bisexuality in great lengths on first dates. It often becomes the focal point of conversation. There are two reasons why. One: my date is genuinely interested in learning more about bisexuality because s/he hasn’t met/dated anyone bi before. Two: My date wants to show how accepting s/he is of bisexuality. This is a little tough to navigate because one: I do want to answer any questions you have about bisexuality and clear up any misconceptions. Two: It’s weird for me to tell you not to be supportive. But you don’t need to prove you’re accepting, we will know within the first few minutes if you are accepting of bisexuals. It’s a date. I don’t just want to talk about myself. I want to learn about you too.
