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The 10 Stages of Using Hookup Apps (As Told by Cartoons)

The 10 Stages of Using Hookup Apps (As Told by Cartoons)

The 10 Stages of Using Hookup Apps (As Told by Cartoons)

Hookup apps are THE WORST.


Dating apps can be tricky. They're great, but at the same time, they're also extremely complicated and uncomfortable. We've all had countless experiences on each of them, so here are some situations that might be familiar to your in-field told by cartoons!

1. Downloading the app

Your friends have convinced your single ass to get on "dating apps," either for a date, or a hook up, but mainly to shut you up from complaining about how you have neither. All this despite your skepticism.

2. Resentment

You immediately don't see the point. Sex is great, but where are the meaningful relationships? This is stupid, why are you doing this?

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3. Curiosity

Suddenly, a gorgeous, dark-haired individual starts chatting you up and complimenting you on your eyes and/or smile. Your wall of standards begins to break.

4. Titillation

You've hit it off, not only with the dark-haired cutie, but 4 other callers! Now it's 7! You're like a coveted artifact in need of a sexy archeologist. You can't hold back the wave of excitement and flirtation bubbling under the surface.

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5. Disappointment

As it turns out nobody, was really interested in you (except for that one person who tried to catfish you using Colton Haynes gym selfies and then Jennifer Lawrence press pics). You don't understand why nobody responded. Is it you?? Did you not put foundation on that morning?? Were you too enamored with the prospect of being queen of the faceless torsos??

6. Titillation (again?!?)

But just then, a whole new wave of attractive callers come knocking at your door and storming your yard for milkshakes. You're back in business and the hormones are RAGING!

7. Denial

But just as before, all action fizzles out to nothingness. This can't be you. It's them. You're a smart, funny, sexy individual. Why wouldn't someone want you?? This just can't be true. It's a glitch with the app.

8. Self-hatred

How could you get yourself in this position?? Amidst the nudes, the shallow sentiments, the influx of Craigslist junkies DMing you for porn casting, you're actually pissed at yourself for lowering your standards. Well never again bish. NEVER!

9. Acceptance

You know what? Being alone for the rest of your life sounds great. Nobody to please. You can let your body go, buy a dozen cats, move to Portland and become a witch (like in Practical Magic or some shit). It's going to be a great life. No rules. No men. Just the simple life!

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10. A new hope

But then you get a random message from some adorable person you expect to see in your dreams. You both chat for a while and end up meeting up for some Postmates and Netflix. Where the night leads is up to you both now, but you're having a great time talking about personal interests and just joking around.

BONUS: It's okay, though. Perhaps this is just a night of lust and kink and bodily energy exchange. Either way, you're going to have safe fun!

Advocate Channel - The Pride StoreOut / Advocate Magazine - Fellow Travelers & Jamie Lee Curtis

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Brendan Haley