Passing as "straight" is the only “plus” femmes have when compared to the rest of the queer community, if you even want to call it a plus, since that’s certainly not how femmes see it.
Not only does it suck to not be recognized as a part of the queer community, but there’s also all the hetero expectations everyone (including queer people) place on you, which make you feel even less a part of the queer community.
1. “You’re being so girly.”
So, yes, we understand that we’re feminine-presenting women, but to dismiss any and all things we do as being “so girly,” is a concept that is so restricting and charged with century-old bullshit that it doesn’t feel good. It just feels really condescending.
2. “Oh, you top sometimes?!”
It doesn’t feel good to constantly have your sexual role be assumed to be the one who enjoys being dominated. And not because being dominated is “bad," but because assumptions don’t feel good.
3. “No, don’t cut your hair!”
It’s my hair, so please don’t comment on what I do with it, unless I ask you to. Having short hair doesn’t make femmes any less beautiful or change their identity. Plus, they’re our bodies and we can do whatever we want with them.
4. “You should wear heels.”
No, I shouldn’t. I should wear whatever shoes I want to wear.
5. “You’re not wearing makeup. Are you feeling okay?
The fact that you question if my emotional state is in wreckage speaks VOLUMES about how highly you think of me, and that’s not very high. Don’t be an ass.
Sapphic outlaw moviesNew Line Cinema; A24; Samuel Goldwyn Company
From left: Jena Malone, Jodie Foster, Jay-Z, and Kendall and Kylie Jenner.Featureflash photo Agency/Shutterstock; Tinseltown/Shutterstock; Tinseltown/Shutterstock; Taylor Hill/FilmMagic
