It's not uncommon for the queens of RuPaul's Drag Race to hold back parts of themselves once they get on the show. Competing on an internationally televised show with a rabid fanbase comes with the possibility of exposing some of your deepest insecurities, and it's not too much of a stretch to see why people are nervous showing the world the totality of who they are. It's scary to be yourself, because what if people see you and don't like it on an international scale?
During yesterday's episode, "Farm Fresh to Runway," Brook Lynn Hytes and Plastique Tiara shared some emotional moments with RuPaul. Both queens have been critiqued for not showing enough personality on the runway and in challenges, so Ru asked them specifically why they were so hesitant to show their vulnerabilities.
"That's a hard thing for me to do," said Hytes. "I used to be a super emotional child. I would cry at everything. I think as I got older, I would get embarrassed and kinda closed off. So I really became closed."
Hytes teared up even sharing that with Ru. "Talking about serious things always makes me cry. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it."
Tiara revealed that she's trying to live up to her idea of the Season 11 winner, but being open about her flaws wasn't a part of that plan.
"Coming here, I had this idea of what America's Next Drag Superstar should be," she says. "It should be this polished individual."
Tiara wasn't free to be her authentic self around her more conservative Immigrant family, so she shut a lot of her unpolished personality away. "Growing up, it wasn't okay in my family to say what I wanted to say or do what I wanted to do... because who I am is not okay.
Tears well as she continues:
"In the past, when I tried to [show myself] it didn't end up so well. I've seen a lot of unhappiness in my family," Tiara begins to sob, "resulting of me trying to come out of my shell and show them who I am. So all I've known is to just hide it away. What they can't see can't hurt them."
Those coping mechanisms we use growing up can be very hard to unlearn, but we have to in able to show the world just what we can do and spread our wings.
Her relatable story touches RuPaul. "Show it! Show it," she tells Tiara. "The tears, the bits you may be ashamed of, do it here. This is your new home."
Then for the first time in Drag Race herstory, Ru then leans over and hugs Plastique and she cries into her arms. "I'm your new mommy. You'll always be my baby. Let's see it on that runway."
It looks like Plastique, as well as Brook, listened to the critiques and both landed in the top girls in this weeks challenge, with Tiara nabbing the win.
The power of vulnerability, y'all! Thank goodness those cameras were rolling!
Tôi là người Việt Nam _________________________________________________ When Ru asked me what was holding me back, I was suddenly brought back to the place when I was alone. No one to rely on, no one to talk to, no one who would understand. When you grow up in a society where the you were taught that the feelings that you have and what you are will never be approved and being you will only bring shame upon your family. After a while, you start to believe that too. I spent many years hating who I am and fearing that one day own family would reject me. So I was silent. Because being silent is the only way I can be accepted as the obedient son my family and society always wanted. I want to use this platform so I can be that voice growing up I never had. A voice that maybe, just maybe, would help some little Asian kid out there who might be feeling the way that I felt and has no one to relate to. Tonight, i won. We won. I’m a proud gay first generation Vietnamese Immigrant. Plastique Tiara _________________________________________________ Khi Ru hỏi Đức tại sao mình lại Nhúc nhát như vậy, Đức Nghỉ về lúc mà chỉ có một mình. Không ai hiểu mình, Không ai để nương tựa, Không ai thông cảm. Khi mình lớn lên trong một cuộc sống mà mình được dậy về những điều mình đang cảm thấy Và bẳn Chất của mình là sai. Từ từ mình sẽ tin những người đó. Đức đã hận bản thân mình rất lâu vì sợ sẽ làm gia đình mình Nhục nhã. Bởi vậy Đức đã im lặng. Bởi vì sự im lặng là cách tốt nhất để cho mọi người chấp nhận mình. Đức Muốn thành một giọng nói mà lúc còn thơ đức không có. Một giọng nói có thể giúp một ai đó đang trải qua những điều Mà Đức đã trải qua lúc con nhỏ. Đêm nay mình đã thắng. Chúng ta đã thắng. Đức Rất hãnh diện vì mình là người Việt Đồng tính nhập cư thế hệ đầu tiên. Plastique Tiara _________________________________________________ Ao dai by @vee.monique Headpiece by @redaggio Photo by @e.g.beautystudio Creative Retouch by @retoucher_ryan