25 Reasons Age 25 Is The Exact Age You Start To Become Old

So it was my birthday last Monday, and I turned 25. It was a big birthday for me for a variety of reasons, but most importantly, it was the first birthday I didn’t spend with my identical twin sister. 

I’ve written a lot about the fact that I’m in a happy relationship with a woman who’s 30 and how that shapes how I view my own age/youth. My air of youthfulness is mostly marked by her annoying habit of calling me a “pup,” but generally speaking, I’ve never made a big deal about birthdays. They never scare me, I never feel like I’m “getting older,” but despite all of that, something about this birthday snuck up on me and ran into my face like an invisible cement wall. Head my warning: 25 is the year you start getting old.

1. You will cry/sob at all the birthday love you get on Facebook.

Which to most, seems really dramatic, but to you on your 25th birthday, it seems totally natural.

2. You’ll probably cry when you get drunk at your birthday dinner.

So, like, don’t invite that many people to it. Word to the wise.

3. You’ll be hungover for days after your birthday party.

Not just the next day. We’re talking half a week.

4. You’ll wonder why you’re still SO FUCKING BROKE.

And probably cry about that too.

5. You’ll start to re-commit to daily gym outings after your birthday passes.

Because you’re wondering how you still don’t feel healthy/hot at age 25. It’s getting sort of crazy at this point.

6. You’ll want to set unrealistic expectations like not drinking during the week or getting up at 5 so you can have “me” time before work.

Because on your birthday you woke up wondering why you suck so bad at adulting, which is clearly something you need to figure TF out.

7. Click bait will actually start to get you.

And you feel basic as hell because of it.

8. You legit won’t want to stay up past midnight.

Not even if you’re at your work holiday party where there’s free drinks and food.

9. You won’t forgive yourself if you lose any of your lifeline items.

Because you’re too old to be losing your wallet, phone or keys, and if you do, YOU’RE LOSING IT.

10. Anxiety and depression will become symptoms of your hangovers.

If nobody told you that your hangovers get worse with age, consider yourself informed. There’s actually something worse than just nausea and headaches, guys.

11. You will start to spend good money on work clothes, because the cheap Old Navy items that you’ve been riding out are ripping to shreds, and professionalism kinda matters.

You don’t necessarily have a savings yet though…you’re probably still spending irresponsibly on these nice new clothes.

12. Brunch will sound daunting.

Whereas going to an early morning run or farmers market on the weekend sounds amazing.

13. You won’t see late night movies because you’ll fall asleep.


Who knew you were going to turn into your dad?!

14. You’ll figure out that you have to bring your lunch to work to save money, so you invest in nice pyrex containers and/or a lunchbox.

#nerd

15. You will listen to the woman at the makeup counter in the mall when she talks about why you should be using an eye cream.

And probably buy it.

16. You’ll begin to wonder if your clothes make you look immature.

Which generally results in you donating some clothes you REALLY weren’t ready to get rid of yet. More crying is likely to ensue.

17. You straight up won’t buy tickets in the standing General Admission area of live shows because you can’t have fun there anymore.

Sitting is better anyway.

18. Music festivals will suck.

Drunken high schoolers dressed in matching crop top outfits will make you sick. And standing on your feet all day? That shit is so not fun.

19. Flossing will become a thing you start doing daily.

Not like it wasn’t a thing before…but now you feel like a loser if you miss it.

20. As will washing your face at night.

Because those bags are starting to freak you out. Best wash away all the makeup at night and slather on some expensive creams and oils.

21. Your Facebook feed will officially start to look like your mom’s FB feed.

Who TF thought it was okay to have a 5 person household by 25? And why must they share photos daily on FB? We weren’t born in the ‘60s.

22. Ikea furniture will piss you off.

Because it breaks and it doesn’t have a high ROI and is very easy to fuck up.

23. You’ll decide that you need a legit budget.

Be it DIY style via YouTube videos and Google sheets, or apps like Mint, you need a personal financial plan STAT.

24. You’ll start doing the responsible thing in a responsible amount of time.

We’re talking about getting a new driver’s license fairly quickly after moving, making sure to have enough toilet paper in your house before having people over and buying travel sized toiletries before traveling. Major life steps here. No more letting the TSA throw away your shampoo and conditioner bottles. NUH UH.

25. Everyone younger than you thinks you’re old now.

Which is really the testament of how old you actually are.

Have fun y'all. You should enjoy the years before 25 because, believe me, it's that birthday that you'll begin to become (and feel) old.

Briana Gonzalez lives and works in San Francisco with her girlfriend and their pugs (Irie + Tootzy). Follow her on Twitter and Instagram to see what hilarity she finds herself in next.