Gaysplaining the Trump hush-money trial and how Stormy Daniels is involved (Updated)

Stormy Daniels is an incredibly compelling witness. Her attention to detail is exactly what the prosecution wants. Donald Trump lied to America's face when he said he didn't have an affair with her. Add that to the list of whoppers he has told. The hush money hijacked democracy. pic.twitter.com/SctpaDVUhM

— Russell Drew (@RussOnPolitics) May 7, 2024

Why is Trump on trial this time?

In the final weeks of the 2016 election — otherwise known as the before times — Trump was getting antsy about his chances of beating Hilary Clinton if his affairs and poor treatment of women came to light. So he got his lawyer to pay off the two women he’d allegedly had affairs with to keep them quiet.

Then, if that slimy behavior wasn’t enough, fraudulent business records were created to cover up the alleged criminal conduct. Now, he’s about to head to trial, where Trump is facing a whopping 34 felony counts of falsifying business records, all of which he has pleaded not guilty to.

How is Stormy Daniels involved?

Back in 2006, when former adult film star Stormy Daniels was in her 20s and Trump was in his 60s, the two allegedly had an affair. Age-gap relationships can be hot, but yuck!

To keep that info on the down low, Trump’s then-lawyer, Michael Cohen, paid Daniels $130,000 through a shell corporation for her silence, according to the Associated Press.

The prosecutors want Daniels’ to testify about the hush-money payments, which is smart because if you want someone to spill the tea on the stand, you pick someone who far less outspoken (and frankly super brave) than Daniels.

Trump’s lawyers tried to get Daniels’ testimony excluded from the trial, but yesterday, the judge ruled against them, basically saying, “In your dreams!”

When Stormy Daniels went to the National Enquirer in October 2016, Trump was hemorrhaging support from Republican electeds in the aftermath of the Access Hollywood tapes. Daniels' story would have killed his campaign. Burying it was a crime big enough to steal the entire election pic.twitter.com/aFt5MosmXd

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 11, 2024

What did Stormy Daniels say during her testimony? (UPDATE)

During her testimony today, Daniels recounted her first meeting with Trump in his hotel suite, where he quizzed her about whether she had any sexually transmitted diseases, talked about his business ventures, and told her that he and his wife, Melania, slept in separate room, The Advocate reports.

In a particularly salacious part of her testimony, Daniels said that he showed her a magazine with a picture of him on the cover, and when she got frustrated by Trump’s rude behavior, she told him that someone should spank him with it. Trump then handed her the magazine, and she swatted him with it.

After that, Daniels said that Trump was much more polite and even suggested she should come on his show The Apprentice, NBC News reports. He allegedly told her that she should appear on the show to prove she shouldn’t be underestimated and then told her that she reminds him “of his daughter.” Gross.

Daniels said that the two slept together in his hotel room but described it as “brief,” that he didn’t use a condom, and that he always called her “honey bunch.”

Why is Michael Cohen part of the trial?

Not only did Cohen pay off Daniels, but he also paid $150,000 to former Playboy model Karen McDougal through the publisher of the tabloid the National Enquirer, who also killed McDougal’s story so it wouldn’t come to light.

But that’s not all because a slimy lawyer has to get paid, too. Cohen was paid $420,000, including a $60,000 bonus. Looks like we got into the wrong business because, apparently, being a terrible human being pays really well.

In 2018, Cohen pleaded guilty to campaign finance charges, lying to Congress, among other crimes for which he got three years in prison. But because things work differently for the wealthy, he only spent 13 1/2 months behind bars and a year and a half in home confinement.

Trump’s lawyers tried to argue that Cohen has a history of lying, so his testimony should be excluded from the trial. That’s rich coming from the legal team of the biggest liar around.

Luckily, Judge Juan Merchan is more intelligent than that and rejected their argument.

Judge Juan Merchan denied Trump's request to keep Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels & Karen McDougal from testifying in his hush money case.

Remember when Trump had Cohen thrown back in prison for writing a book? Karma is fun to watch. 💙#ProudBlue #TrumpForPrison2024 LOCK HIM UP pic.twitter.com/dhRxqxat6o

— LA Blue Dot in GA 🌊💔 (@namwella1961) March 19, 2024

What are the Access Hollywood tapes, and what did the judge rule?

On Monday, the judge also ruled that the infamous Access Hollywood tapes — the ones where Trump was real gross and bragged about how he gropes women — can’t be played during the trial, but prosecutors can bring them up to talk about Trump’s fear of how the video footage would impact his bid for president.

Although we’d be shocked if there was a single person in America who hasn’t heard Trump say he was going to “grab them by the p***y.”

The TLDR

Trump was worried he wouldn’t win the 2016 election if all of his bad behavior came to light, so he paid off a bunch of people, and now a judge says the people involved can testify against him. Score one for justice!