Lost Girl Recap 4.4 - Turn to Stone!

This week marked the return of several core Lost Girl elements we fangirls hold close to our hearts, including Kenzi and Bo's bromance, Lauren's actual hair, Bo's actual clothes (with new and improved post-natal cleavage) and Rachel Skarsten.  This combination makes for a good week even if you're as far behind on festive shopping as me and the shops have already sold out of all of the above items.

“Turn to Stone” skips over the reunions and gets straight into life with most of the team back together.  In this case, that means Bo and Dyson sparring with Bo finally out of her dirty white low cut dress and into a tight black low cut tank top.  It also involves her helpfully reminding us of her current mission, to find out what happened to her, who took her and why. 

Dyson feels Bo should be more concerned about the una mens, the ancient fae council who have done nothing but fetishistically torture Vex so far since their arrival.  Bo and I are both less worried about them than a certain absent doctor.  Dyson lies that he knows where Lauren is and that she should stay there for her own safety.  This leads to some super public boxing ring sex because why else would these two even be sparring?  One onlooker enjoying this pervfest appears to be some sort of winged statue that takes me back to many weeping angel induced nightmares and makes me wish my eyes never required moistening.  A noise momentarily distracts Bo and Dyson but when they look their statue observer has vanished and they get back to business.

Once finished getting reacquainted with Dyson, Bo returns home to find Kenzi and teen Tamsin working out or brushing each other's hair or possibly both?  Kenzi comments that Tamsin doesn't lose a single hair when it's brushed no matter how hard the valkyrie dances at the time.  This is clearly one of the awesome advantages of valkyrie youth.

Trick has set up security at the apartment, namely an ignus ring which is some super flammable dust programmed to burst into flames to prevent entrance of malicious fae.  Unfortunately there are a few kinks in the system as it tries to keep Bo out.  Kenzi helps her through and greets her with some enthusiastic hugging as appears to be her way since the succubus' return.

Bo confronts the teen hair model over her motives but all she remembers is that she's dark.  This earns Bo's distrust as we all know dark fae are totally shady and not to be trusted.  Thankfully this one also loves The X-Files because she has taste so she settles in while her new roommates head out for a night on the town.  Television is the best babysitter when you have a child in the house and really need to get drunk with your bestie!

Unfortunately The Dal is the dull tonight as the fae community frets about the una mens.  Bo has never been one to let a little potential death by torture get her down and she rapidly commandeers the quaintest fae iPod dock and charms everyone into dancing it out.  Kenzi seems less than thrilled and I think we're supposed to think Bo is acting strangely but isn't this kind of how she always is?  Nobody loves random grinding on other couples like this randy succubus!

Also enjoying the dance party is Massimo the druid with Kenzi's latest hit of insta-fae cream.  Kenzi insists it's time he make her transformation permanent but he is understandably reluctant.  It's like Dealer 101 that you need your customers to return but Kenzi apparently isn't loving her short-acting gateway goop.

The surprising revelation that Bo's iPod really is the best comes when the entire bar dances it out to the Spice Girls' Wannabe.  Fae enchantment is an excellent explanation for what happens when I hear this song at a party too.  The only one remaining stubbornly stoic is the eerie gargoyle watching from the corner.  I guess he hasn't always been there but I really wouldn't be surprised if he had given Trick's décor.  Kenzi wisely decides to reveal her new sparkly powers to Bo at this moment and the succubus is drunk on alcohol, random people and epic 90s music so clearly loves it.  When I break troubling news I too try to ensure it's during the “slam your body down and wind it all around” phase of this song.  How could anybody be mad at that moment?

Speaking of slamming, Teensin's X Files marathon is rudely interrupted by a couple of balaclava-clad goons who get a hefty dose of doubt upon confronting the baby valkyrie.  They're not the only ones surprised though as her back begins to hurt and some disturbing creaking sounds ensue.

Our drunken heroes return home to find their house robbed and the teenage/two week old valkyrie they left with only Mulder and Scully for company grown into the radiant Rachel Skarsten. 

Sorry guest valkyries, you've all done a fine job but I'm super excited about this at last.  I don't know why she's just chilling in a sheet but I'm also not going to question it.

The following day, Bo and Tamsin make a trip to the local police station to talk to Dyson about their little break and entering situation.  I'm sure some plot happens but I'm completely distracted by the costumes here.  Bo's epic cleavage corset never goes astray but I have to wonder what the non-fae cops think of Dyson.  Does everybody there strive make detective so they too can to wear ridiculous leather vests?  Is it just that type of city and he's only doing it to fit in?

Bo and Dyson bring my unwilling focus back to the dialogue for some of the most horrifying euphemistic dirty talk I've experienced.  Am I just being naïve or is it taking a shopping metaphor too far to tell Dyson “if you're good you can go in all the stores”?  Thankfully Tamsin was almost literally born yesterday and completely misses the point.  Speaking of pointing, once Bo abandons her with Dyson (these characters are absolute parenting role models) the valkyrie puts her finger on a picture of Lauren on a “Most Wanted Humans” sheet.  Because the fae police send those out.  Dyson replies that she is lost and they need to find her.  I hope this turns into an amazing detective story of this pair pretending Tamsin is the same partner Dyson had before while she continues to be hilariously child-like.

The aforementioned fingered doctor is chilling in some sort of dungeon with Crystal, both chained up and looking pretty sad and bedraggled.  None of this is important though because Lauren's wig is gone.  I repeat: Lauren's hair is back to normal.  I don't quite understand why as that wig seemed pretty firmly attached when her and Crystal were together last week but also I don't care.  It's gone.  RIP terrible wig.  This episode really is all about hair.

Meanwhile Kenzi is getting into a kidnapping situation of her own with some of Massimo's minions.  Thankfully Bo and her corset are there to help.  Once the goons are unconscious Kenzi explains that it was Massimo who is behind their little robbery situation and Bo is keen to confront the druid and get their crappy furniture back.

The pair find Massimo cooking up some food or perhaps some evil and he explains that Kenzi's kiss sealed the potion that marked Bo for transcendental plane hopping.  He refuses to give up any info on who hired him but is still eager to collect on Kenzi's debt.  He expresses his sympathies over Tamsin's death and requests an herb from Lauren's old apartment claiming that will make them even.

Back in chains central Lauren is basically in her own grimy horror movie, talking tough into a camera.  Crystal points out a tarp that is clearly for them to investigate before expressing regret for “spybanging” Lauren and then falling for her.  Thankfully the good doctor is very familiar with this situation and sees the irony in being on the other side of it for once.

Lauren goes on to explain that her biggest regret is not betraying Bo but instead her history as a terrorist.  She had a brother for whom she made explosives to blow up a pipeline which was supposed to be unmanned but ended up killing eleven people.  She avoids the question of her brother's fate but says this is what she has been running from all these years. 

No wonder she was so concerned about the vinegar and bicarb last week.  I can't help but wonder how many more humans have died as a result of her working for the fae but Lauren looks so sad right now I couldn't bear to ask her.

The horror movie voice grows tired of Lauren's tale and demands she look under the tarp.  I don't know about you guys but I was really expecting something gross here.  Instead it's a refrigerator full of samples and other science-type things.  Because of course they've kidnapped Lauren to do science!  Voice demands she diagnose their elder's illness in an hour or Crystal dies.  This is a frightening threat and all but it elicits perhaps my favorite line of dialogue ever, “This isn't about eco-terrorism.  This is light fae bullshit.”  Crystal doesn't appear to share my joy.  I guess she's a little distracted by impending doom but if anything shouldn't that teach her to make the most of what little time she has left?

Back at Lauren's digs from happier times Kenzi explains her reasons for going to Massimo while Bo wonders if she ever really knew the doctor.  Luckily all of Lauren's old documents with her Karen Beattie identity are just lying on the floor, which drives Bo to crack open a bottle of red and declare her love to Kenzi, the one person who doesn't lie to her.  Kenzi looks a little shifty at this, given the wolf kissing and whatnot but goes with it for now.  Once they secure the herb from Lauren's green wall (because of course she has a green wall) the pair try to leave but find inverse ignus rims sealing them within the apartment.  Bo declares that this act means Massimo has “graduated from A-hole to douche.”  I'd actually really like to hear Bo's entire scale of jerkiness.  Would jerkbag rate higher or lower than dingbat?  I need to know.  For science.

Over at Lauren-hunting HQ Tamsin is doing more detective work than we've seen from any of the three detective fae on this show previously.  She's super excited about having highlighted Lauren's phone records while Dyson went to fetch Chinese food.  Again with the responsible parenting.  Tamsin questions Dyson about his relationship with Bo (it was never the right time for them blah blah blah) then asks him what love feels like.  Big tough werewolf man gets a bit shy about all this girly feelings talk and tells Tamsin to ask Bo.  She says she can't as Bo hates her for being dark and laments the fact that it was the old her that made that choice.  This seems like an odd gray area for a group that harp on about consciously making the choice so much.  It probably won't relate to anything else though.

At the loft of girlfriends past Kenzi attempts to leave on her own as the fae fire fences don't affect humans but it seems the ignus rim is as fooled as everyone else by her lights show and she just gets a scorched hand.  The pair brainstorm ways to de-fae Kenzi, who says she would take a shower if only Lauren's shampoo wasn't the worst.  As Bo agrees she also fills a bucket of water which she hilariously pours on Kenzi's head.  Kenzi takes it pretty well and heads past the ignus rim to find some fae items required to remove it.

The moment Kenzi is out of sight Bo starts going through Lauren's drawers.  I kind of feel like judging her for this but if I was locked in my ex's apartment by a mystical fire barrier I'd be right into the personal belongings too.  Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't.  Bo finds a necklace Lauren had as a gift for her with the note “for giving me the freedom to love, and I do.”  Sigh. 

It's a sweet moment only interrupted by the lights flashing and our gargoyle friend appearing momentarily on Lauren's benchtop.  Bo assumes it's The Wanderer and gets ready to throw down before spotting the gargoyle with a bloody grin and a mysterious wound on her arm.  Kenzi reappears at this moment with what looks like a fae version of the board game Trouble and when she quotes some latin and pops the dice the ignus rim is deactivated.

While a gargoyle is the cause of Bo's mystery wounds, Tamsin is also wondering about her own spontaneous bleeding.  They grow up so fast.  In this case the blood is in vertical slits along her back. 

Kenzi's elation at removing their prison walls is short-lived as she declares her remorse at Massimo setting the gargoyle monster on Bo.  She confesses that she's been stealing from their friends to pay the druid but claims she had no choice given the fae's most wanted broadcasts.  Bo claims she would always protect her but Kenzi wisely points out those months of absence.  She even confesses the Dyson kissing that has been turning both our insides and gives a weepy speech about not fitting in.  Ksenia Solo is seriously breaking my heart right here you guys.  Bo feels more moved to anger by this betrayal but is interrupted by a phone call from Dyson about his missing valkyrie.  I'm amazed she managed to escape with this team's crack babysitting skills!

Bo realizes that Massimo could have used some druid magic and a little brains to work out that Tamsin is alive and vulnerable.  This means the trip down memory house arrest was actually a distraction while he went after some crazy valuable valkyrie locks.  She insists on confronting him alone and leaves Kenzi to wait for Dyson with the parting blow “you guys are close right?”  Not cool Bo.

Back at the de-stocked clubhouse Massimo tells Tamsin his BFFs Bo and Kenzi sent him to look after her.  He shows her the old selfie he took of them together and she hopes he wants to help her stop being hideous.  It bothers me that a two week old valkyrie has the self esteem issues of a fully fledged teenager, especially when she looks like Rachel Skarsten.  Massimo's response of “you're perfect” elicits a super cute reaction and I'm starting to wonder if she wouldn't be better off with him.

My enjoyment of this pairing lasts at least a whole second until we cut to Massimo taping Tamsin to a chair, calling her a monster and sharpening a razor Sweeney Todd would find a fine friend. 

He begins a monologue on the beauty of her hair before raising the blade to her throat.  Fortunately Bo arrives at this moment and immediately finds the razor at her own throat.  Before I even get a chance to ask why she isn't using her considerable super powers, Tamsin demands Massimo “Stop.  Release.  Witness,” and rises to her full, winged valkyrie glory. 

The newly reborn Tamsin makes an amazing speech about being a harbinger and the like which brings Massimo to his knees.  Bo talks her back by admitting that they were never besties, listing her flaws including being “a real close-talker” that before admitting “I thought you were incredible.”  The pair hug and with a little succubus charm Tamsin's wings recede and she regains her adorable child-like demeanor while declaring she now knows what love feels like.  Bo states that nobody but her is allowed to fight with her roomies before sending Tamsin to the elevator to turn her music up and turning her attention back to Massimo.

With his attacker gone Massimo is back to his usual snarky self letting Bo know that wings mean Tamsin is on her last life and more powerful than ever before.  Bo is still pretty sensitive about the whole gargoyle thing but Massimo tells her they weren't his as they serve elder fae and attack anyone that endangers their master. 

A little chi-sucking reveals the druid to be no more than a human and he tries to negotiate for the strands of valkyrie hair Bo stole from him.  She tosses said hair in his large vat of molten lava, which is all the rage in druid interior design these days and looks suitably horrified when he jumps in after it.  I suspect a moment later she shrugged and moved on but the scene cuts before I can confirm that.

Apparently only an hour has passed since we last checked in on Lauren as Crystal is still alive and cowering.  The doctor has a diagnosis of Spongiform Encephalopathy or Mad Fae Disease because you can decide that based only on finding fae material in his gut contents and no other possible disease could come from cannibalism.  She apparently doesn't realize the brilliance of her own work as she feels that anyone could have made this diagnosis and awesomely removes her handcuffs before calling Hale out and declaring Kenzi his “not quite girlfriend.”  Unfortunately she's been gone for a while and doesn't realize that Hale's not so much in charge anymore.  The doors open and she eyes someone we can't see who is decidedly not Hale.

Bo has returned to the gym of indecently public relations for a little punching bag action and is joined by a remorseful Kenzi.  The two talk it out and Bo lets Kenzi know the kiss that sealed her druid potion had to be from one who would never betray her, which is what she is: family.  Some sweet best friend hugging ensues and Bo declares that they are all done being scared.

All the wing production seems to have worn our wee valkyrie out and Dyson tells her a bedtime story of a princess growing wings and vanquishing a monster.  Maybe these guys aren't the absolute worst at this.  Kenzi busts in and Dyson offers to teach her to be more than she is now while being absolutely no more specific than that.  He then admits that he has misplaced Lauren and that they have to find her.  He doesn't mention that so far the best work on the case has been performed by a child.

Phase one of Bo's war on fear, and likely the only phase given what we know of her planning skills, is to confront the una mens.  She finds a gargoyle chilling in the entryway and gets some cheek from the una mens interrogator for arriving un-summoned.  Nobody loves talking about themselves like Bo so she gives her usual speech about not living by anybody's rules while presumably using her tactical cleavage as a distraction.  She finishes by challenging them to try killing her if they don't agree but in a shocking answer to this common offer, the elder is not interested. 

The interrogator tells Bo they wanted to remove the unaligned succubus but she can only see a fully aligned fae before her.  Apparently Bo's blood has spoken for her and declared itself dark.  How annoying is it when your blood makes decisions without telling you?  I'm assuming that's what is going through Bo's head as she stares dumbfounded at this revelation.  Looks like she might be having to send out a few apology muffin baskets.

I really enjoyed this episode you guys.  There was some great work here especially from Ksenia Solo and Zoie Palmer in their individual confession scenes and Rachel Skarsten was adorably innocent playing a child version of herself.  More of this always please.

Next week: Bo explores her new dark self, Vex is back and Lauren and Bo are actually in a scene together!