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Where the Girls Are on TV: Esther Anderson, Lucy Lawless, Wanda Sykes

Where the Girls Are on TV: Esther Anderson, Lucy Lawless, Wanda Sykes

It's the big lesbian kiss between Esther Anderson and Kate Bell on Australia's soapie Home and Away. Lucy Lawless dons more period fetish wear to star in Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Out and proud Wanda Sykes gets gabby with her own late show. Big Gay Ellen Degeneres squeeze Portia de Rossi tears it up in a business suit and those wacky dykes Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are over? Who cares.

Back by unpopular demand and more horny than ever, I am here to give you my observation on girls, lesbians, gals and dykes abound on the boob tube. Alas, I don’t have much more to do with my lil o’ life as I am still date-free, fun-free and addicted to the TV. So, bear with me as I attempt to reiterate what is on my mind this week regarding the girls on television.

Thank goodness the Australian soap opera Home and Away aired the promised lesbian kiss Tuesday between policewoman Charlie Buckton (Esther Anderson) and Joey Collins (Kate Bell). Phew! We were all a tad worried, I have to admit.


The head of creative drama for the popular soap, Bevan Lee, told an Australian website that two kisses were filmed. They apparently left out the juicy one and lesbian peeps were pissed. "The decision taken was artistic and had nothing to do with running from the conservative right," Lee said. The storyline "in no way shies away from a dignified and honest treatment of the lesbian relationship.” Settle down there, Leelee. We get it.

Xena’s Lucy Lawless is ready to shed her warrior princess attire in exchange for a toga in Spartacus: Blood and Sand. She will be playing some protector of sorts in this adventure action series. I don’t really care if she is playing a nanny as long as her clothes are tight and her temper is high.


Lawless will be working again with Sam Raimi of Xena: Warrior Princess fame. On a more pathetic side note, when I was 22 I auditioned for Xena and booked the job as a fellow warrior. However, when my manager told me to gather my passport to go to New Zealand for filming the following week, I didn’t have one. What? I mean, someone should have warned a new actress of these things. God, my life is sad.

Wanda Sykes is not just a lesbian; she is set to be the very first lesbian late night talk show host ever! FOX has offered the comedienne an hour-long show to air this fall and when asked in a press release about returning to the station, Sykes said, “Yes, my relationship with FOX hasn’t been the best, but if Rihanna can go back to Chris Brown, I can go back to FOX. Oprah tried to talk me out of it, but I think FOX has changed.”

 

All’s well that ends well for Olivia and Natalia as Guiding Light has been cancelled after 57 years on the screen. The lesbisnage will be missed, and I will now be glaring expectedly at All My Children execs to step it up. After all, my afternoons need to be filled with more than petting the cat and stroking the kitty.

I’m really feeling ABC’s Better Off Ted. I would like to be feeling Portia, but I’ll leave that to Ellen. I think she’s probably doing an okay job over there. The third episode of the first season titled “Through Rose Colored HAZMAT Suits” aired Wednesday. Ted reluctantly took his daughter, little Rose, to work and Veronica (Portia de Rossi) formed a bond with the young girl. A hot funny bitch in a suit was good enough for me. Also, Rose stirred up feelings of inadequacy between Phil and Lem. Linda’s ex-boyfriend came back in town and Ted was not happy.

 

If you thought for a moment that you would find out who killed Jenny Schecter, think again. The L Word spin-off The Farm will not be airing on Showtime and probably any other network for that matter. L Word producer Ilene Chaiken fashioned the jailhouse spin-off starring L Word’s Alice (Leisha Hailey) as a jailbird in a women’s prison.

 

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We can only assume that Alice may have killed Jenny and is in jail for her murder, but is somehow innocent or some shit.


I am so over who killed Jenny. I’m sorry, but Mia Kirshner is alive, people. I saw her munching on a sandwich last week as I passed by a restaurant window on my way to the hair salon…it’s called make-believe! 

And by the way, American Idol can suck it. What is the big damn deal about Allison Iraheta? She’s 16 years old and hasn’t even had the chance to be jaded yet. That is such an unfair advantage. Wednesday’s show opened with all those fools singing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Yikes. Were these kids even alive when that song was written? The bottom three contestants were Megan Joy, Anoop Desai and Allison Iraheta. However, the hottest and sexiest contestant, Megan Joy, was sent home. Seriously, I would really like to know if I am alone in this theory. Megan Joy, if you’re out there, you can always come stay with me at my place!

 

Life wouldn’t be a Dairy Queen berry blast without mentioning my favorite wreck of a lesbian, Lindsay Lohan. Little Lindserloo’s big film Labor Pains has fallen from grace. Shocker. The little-movie-that-could will now appear on ABC Family this July. On a positive note, perhaps she and Sam can make some jiffy pop, cuddle on the couch and stay home for once. 


Oh, wait…didn’t they break up? Finally.

 

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