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Where the Girls are on TV: Jorja Fox, Jessica Capshaw, Kate Moennig

Where the Girls are on TV: Jorja Fox, Jessica Capshaw, Kate Moennig

American Idol's back and Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi are at turns playing fauxmosexuals. Jorja Fox returns to CSI, Jessica Capshaw gives Grey's Anatomy a much-needed personality injection, Patricia Arquette's back in Medium. Plus, the L Word teases with Lucy Lawless but spares us Kate Moennig's Shane's premiere episode sexcapades.

Nothing overtly lesbian has taken place so far on Season 8 of American Idol, but with the addition of new Idol interloper Kara DioGuardi we could be in for at least a season of faux lesbian antics between DioGuardi and Paula Abdul. At last, Percocet Paula has someone who has her back when her British prig sidekick raises his nose at FOREVER YOUR GIRL, Abdul's breakout album.

Other than occasional pseudo make-out sessions between Abdul and DioGuardi, not too much homoeroticism will be going on between these two songstresses. But DioGuardi sure is fun to gawk at and has Paula gone through rehab? Granted we're only a week into the new season, but the former LA Lakers' cheerleader seems unprecedentedly lucid. Hmm, does this mean Paula won't be crossed-eyed and slurring her words by Idol halftime? Someone better alert Kathy Griffin; Abdul's incoherence has been delicious fodder for the D-Lister. Way to go Paula.

Look for more changes on Grey's Anatomy with the impending departure of Melissa George who plays Sadie, Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) bisexual doctor friend. After the hasty firing of Brooke Smith, who played Dr. Hahn, Sadie  seemed the ostensible love interest replacement for Dr. Torres (Sara Ramirez), but with George herself having one foot out the door, any kind of lesbian storyline for Ramirez this season might get the kibosh. Last week there wasn't anything pointedly lesbian, as the good docs of Seattle Grace Hospital scurried around operating on a serial killer while trying to find a liver for a dying boy.

Surprisingly, the biggest supporter of Dr. Torres's fickle sexuality seems to be Dr. Sloan, the reformed female marauder. On last weeks Grey's, Sloan more or less told Torres to be proud of who she is and to stand tall. I'd like to think that Sloan's pep talk might help Torres take a few more trepidations steps out of the closet.

The gorgeous Jessica Capshaw has found a niche at Seattle Grace playing a pediatric surgeon. For now Capshaw may be walking around in scrubs, but who can forget how smokin' her long legs looked beneath an awfully short mini skirt during her turn on the L Word as Nadia Karella, the annoyingly sexy sycophant who set her obsessed eyes on Bette Porter (Jennifer Beals). Perhaps ABC is priming Capshaw to be the new love interest for Ramirez, but with Grey's ever-revolving door, who knows? reported that a "dedicated lesbian relationship" is on the horizon for Dr. T. Hmm, I won't hold my breath. Be prepared ladies, unless they can get folks to stick around long enough, Grey's creators may very well put the brakes on any gay storyline. It was fun while it lasted.

Is she or isn't she Jorja Fox resumed her role on CSI as Sara Sidle, one of the hottest forensic scientists on the block. CBS had thousands of viewers popping antacids as they anxiously awaited word on whether the "Miniature Killer" had offed Sidle, his last victim. Thank God the network negotiated a deal to have Fox stick around for a few guest spots on season nine. Last week Grissom (William Petersen) passed the baton and said farewell to a life of blood and gore before showing up unexpectedly in the jungle to surprise Sara with a little monkey lovin'. Fox's cameo was way too short but widely exciting all the same.  Fox piqued my interest after her guest spot on Ellen's historic coming out episode, and I loved her as lesbian medical intern Maggie Doyle on ER.

The long awaited return of the L Word came back with less of a bang than I had expected. The iconic Lucy Lawless, who inspired millions of lesbian Xena fans to get out there and kick some ass, shelved her killer chakrams and Gabrielle for a spin as the detective assigned to the Jenny Schecter (Mia Kirshner) murder.

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Lawless was barely given any on screen time and it was odd to see her sans a young, nubile girl dressed in a bearskin mini skirt, but it was still a treat to see her suited up and packing a piece.

Personally, I'd take a moment of screen time with Lawless than an hour of Shane's (Katherine Moennig) philandering. Thank God Ilene Chaiken spared us the torture of having to watch Shane having casual, anonymous sex in the season opener. I'd be more interested in learning about the pathology of tonsillitis than having to catch even a glimpse of Shane's hairy bush, which probably glows in the dark from all the bacteria and toxins its been exposed to. We'll get to see more of Lawless next week, as she begins to piece together Jenny's murder.

Elizabeth Berkley, who should have swept the Oscars and had a star of her own at Grauman's Chinese Theater for her "brilliant" work in Showgirls, will try to cozy up to Bette Porter (Jennifer Beals) next week. After Bette's declaration of undying faithfulness on last week's opener, Tina (Laurel Holloman) will kick the crap out of Berkley's character and send Bette packing for a permanent stint at the local Buddhist retreat if even the slightest hint of pre-coital behavior rears its ugly head.

Now I know she's not gay girls, but Patricia Arquette and her enormously beautiful rack returns in early February to reprise her role on Medium as Allison DuBois. One of my favorite things about that show is how subtly beautiful Arquette looks lying in bed with her on screen husband. Arquette's got some meat on those bones so it isn't too difficult to imagine cooling off beside those breasticles on a hot Phoenix night. Arquette is all woman, unlike Moennig, who if she turned sideways with her tongue sticking out might be mistaken for a zipper.

Right now the L Word series ending is the talk of almost every lesbian I know. We'll just have to see whether Shane is capable of both fidelity and finishing an entire meal made of something that doesn't include the words "premium malt scotch" or "Jose Cuervo."

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Lauren Incognito