After last week’s tear jerker of a funeral episode, we’re back to the daily dealings of everyone’s favorite ABC Family. It’s a bit sad to see the kids at Girls United having their last Rosie O’Donnell-lead circle o’ emotions with Callie. There are finally tender moments to be shared by all as they tell Callie what they learned from her. Bummer, as I was really starting to enjoy having these kids around, especially Cole, who brought something very important to the show that we don’t usually get to see on TV. However, after that web series ABC Family released, I’m not giving up hope for a spin-off.
Callie returns to the Adams Foster home to lots of hugs and love, except, surprisingly, from Jude, who has to go ‘work on a book report’ instead of spend time with his sister. Oh, and fun fact: apparently Jesus’ wrestling team has become all-consuming, because he has practice at every time of day now and cannot attend family events (or Jake T. Austin was probably filming something and couldn’t be on set). Honestly, if they hadn’t mentioned his absence, as much as I enjoy the character, I probably would have forgotten he existed. Brandon awkwardly approaches Callie to inform her that he needs some ‘time to figure things out’ and has moved in with his dad. As we progress in this episode, it’s clear that Brandon needs to figure a lot of things out. The boy is a mess. And cue the comforting images of home life (it’s not where you come from)!
Stef and Lena sit Callie down for a “here’s what you need to do to gain our trust” chat, and give her a phone that will always have a tracker activated in case she runs off again. Callie’s rocking maturity now and understands she needs to earn trust back. But what about everyone’s favorite Foster who certainly does not rock maturity? Though Mariana’s been thrown aside since her suspension, she’s finally going back to school and has her own plot lines again! It’s Jude, however, who gets the most fun plot in this episode.
At breakfast, he finds a witch figurine in his backpack with a note that says, “And...” on it. My first thought was, ‘Oh God, Pretty Little Liar’s A has gotten so crazy he/she is now crossing over into other shows entirely!’ But don’t worry, A remains a Tuesday night mystery.
In more serious, adulty-matters Stef is called by the DA to testify in Mike’s case. Lena’s confused since Stef had said she was unconscious when the shooting happened. Stef finally tells the truth; she was conscious and the shooter had dropped the gun by the time Mike stormed in firing his own weapon. She still believes Mike did the right thing, but didn’t tell the truth in fear she would contradict what Mike had said. If she tells the truth now she’ll get fired.
While staying at Mike’s, Brandon runs into his dad’s new special friend Dani who looks just about Brandon’s age. There’s quite a lot of uncomfortable foreshadowing as Dani ‘fixes Brandon’s jacket’ before leaving. Mike insists Dani isn’t his girlfriend, (though she may soon be Brandon’s...), but instead a sober buddy. On another (musical) note, Brandon tells Mike he wants to take a break from piano. Remember now, Brandon already quit in order steal the money for the lessons to fund Callie’s independent life. When Mike calls Brandon’s teacher to ask his advice on Brandon’s quitting we know some stuff’s about to go down...
Back at school, Mariana sees Kelsey and Chase get cozy by the lockers, but handles it with some classic Mariana humor. Tech Guy Zach is super happy to see her, and the two make a date to go to the movies instead of the Glass Menagerie cast party. However, when Chase approaches Mariana and asks her if she’s going to the party, she can’t resist and says yes.
Brandon is really struggling with everyone at school thinking Callie ran away to be with Wyatt and skips class. The guy who punched Jesus at wrestling throws a boomerang at Brandon (The line “Faulty boomer” is legitimately spoken) and offers him some weed. He invites Brandon to a party and shows him the fake ID his friend made for him. He’s using to get booze for the parties and make some money from the younger kids buying from him. This is so not going to help with Brandon’s already plummeting downward spiral.
Jude, who’s been getting clues this whole time gets receives mysterious cupcakes at lunch that say, “and all” on them. Jude explains to Connor that he was born at home and his birth date was messed up on the certificate when paperwork was finally filed. He and Callie kept the real date a secret from the foster system as something special for them, and he thinks this is her sending him a message. Connor helps him search for the rest of the clues later that day, but they can’t find them all and the message remains incomplete.
Mariana asks Brandon about Mike’s case and explains she feels guilty about being the catalyst for Mike’s case and Stef getting shot. Stef attends her DA interview, and as they go through the facts she stops them to say that she had lied before clarifying what really happened. Oh Stef, the truth will set you free but it will also get you really fired.
Brandon runs home after school and collects the piano money he saved for Callie. But wait, he’s got a new plan and it’s totally illegal! He meets up with Mariana and Jesus’ birth mom Anna, the only witness in Mike’s case, at a diner. He masterfully threatens her, explaining that she needs to tell the DA that she wasn’t at the house the night Stef got shot, because if Jesus and Mariana knew she was there and then went to get money from Jesus anyway the twins would hate her. Anna’s worried that if she doesn’t testify her food stamps will get cut off, but Brandon gives her the piano money as incentive. Jeepers, Brandon these are some dirty dealings you’ve got going on here. Remember when you just used to play piano and whine a little bit?
That night, however, Mike comes home and announces that the DA is dropping the investigation since Anna has recanted, which means Stef’s deposition is dead and both she and Mike can return to work. This also puts some baby-having conversations back on the table since they were considering dropping the topic if Stef got fired. Later that night, the Captain even comes over and tells Stef that her deposition wouldn’t open on her computer earlier, and now that the case is dropped, she’ll never need to open it anyway. All of this is great news, except Brandon has gone a bit evil in the process. Mariana overhears Brandon talking with his very confused piano teacher. Brandon admits what happened with saving the money for Callie and says he’ll get it back. Misery does not look good on you, bro.
It’s cast party time! Mariana quickly ditches her chaperone Callie and Tech Guy Zach to flirt with Chase. Apparently the show is already finished and he did a great job. But they were doing costumes a week ago! I really don’t feel this is the accurate time-progression for high school theater. Horrible Kelsey comes over to crap on Mariana’s flirtations, but Mariana shoots her down, saying that if Kelsey felt she had the upper hand with Chase, why did she have to get Mariana suspended?
Brandon comes to the cast party and asks the Bully Guy about getting a fake ID. He wants to use it to buy beer for parties to make money, but Bully Guy suggests that they sell fake IDs instead using the ID maker Bully’s friend has and Lena’s vice principal keys for records. Does Criminal Brandon know no bounds?
Clearly this is the cast party of bad ideas, because Mariana runs into Talia, who sees she’s forlorn about Chase and tells it’s a great idea to take off your underwear and give them to the guy you want to hook up with. Talia then moves on to drunkenly torments Brandon about Callie not liking him back. Brandon stupidly tells her everything about his relationship with Callie, and Talia then runs over to tell Callie she’s pathetic and disgusting. Oh Talia, she was gone for so many episodes and then can only come back as a total mess who says things like, “The next time you go back to juvie, I hope you rot in there, bitch.”
But that’s still not the most uncomfortable thing happening in this cast party of doom! Mariana slips her lace panties into Chase’s pocket and tells him she’ll be waiting in the bedroom. Zach first enters randomly to chill, but Mariana kicks him out when Chase arrives. Chase and Mariana start making out, but when he starts taking his pants off she gets so very confused it’s actually a little amusing. Chase believed the slipping of the panties meant they would have sex, and poor Mariana’s just kind of like, “Uuuuuhhhhh...” (nearly a direct quote). The little dear just wanted to make out a bit (girl, you did put your underwear in his pocket), and while it’s obvious Chase may have had some different expectations, the confusion doesn’t excuse him acting like a total skeez and storming out on her saying, “Thanks for wasting my time!” To end the tragic evening, Brandon and Callie finally get emotional about their feelings. “How long do we have to feel this way?” Brandon asks. “Until we don’t?” answers Callie. Thus, the disastrous evening is over.
The next morning is Jude’s birthday, and Callie surprises him with the last of his clues. Well, almost. It’s the book Hansel and Gretel that their mom used to read them all the time with the note “together” in it. Jude realizes Callie had left him “birthday bread crumbs” and that the notes ultimately say the last sentence in the book, “Then all anxiety was at an end and they lived together in perfect happiness.” But wait, a word is missing! “I never got ‘happiness’,” Jude tells her, and she leads him downstairs.
Stef, Lena, and the family have set up a surprise party, and one of the balloons says ‘happiness’ on it. It’s the most adorable moment in this episode of terrible life choices, with another bonus cringe-worthy explanation of Jesus’ absence. Jude is surprised that Callie told everyone about his secret birthday, and Callie answers with the quote of the night, “We don’t have to keep secrets anymore. We have a family.” But not everything can be too happy, because the episode ends with Brandon stealing Lena’s office key to go be the worst. Well, everything was nice for a moment!
Next week Jesus is back, and he and Emma will kiss! That seems to be the really important thing cause Brandon is getting too irksome to truly care about. But even its most frustrating, the wait between Mondays is still the most frustrating thing of all.
