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A Hairy Situation

A Hairy Situation

Writer and lesbian culture guru Diana Cage extols the virtues of a hair-free pubic area. Plus, she gives a blow-by-blow how-to on shaving it all off!

Along with basic Brazilians and landing strips, the place where I get waxed will shape your bush into a heart, star or your lover's initials. This is tacky beyond belief, which of course makes me want to try it. I'm thinking I'll get my girlfriend's initials surrounded by some stick-on rhinestones-maybe for her birthday.

Can we talk pubes for a second? Because I hate them. I hate pubic hair. I'm not anti-feminist, I'm not buying into some mainstream beauty ideal that says women should be hairless and child-like, it's none of that. I don't like pubes because I love pussies and I think pubes are just in the way.

Sure, yes, OK, many people enjoy the ambiance of a full, lush bush. Sexy is subjective and I respect a woman's right to choose. I, however, choose to get rid of my bush and I think you should get rid of yours. Look at the advantages: a higher tongue-to-skin ratio, less hair to soak up the lube so everything is extra slippery, no putting oral sex on pause while you go digging around for a hair in your throat.

If you really, really don't want to go bald, then at least clear a path. Use small scissors when you trim, long ones are unwieldy and you don't want to snip a lip. My friend Angie has a notch on her left labe from being a little clumsy with the scissors.


OK, OK, I'll Shave

If my nagging has you convinced and you've decided to go from hirsute to hairless, there are a few rules to follow. You might want to take your laptop into the bathroom with you so you can read along while you de-fuzz. Just don't drop it in the tub.

Shaving takes some prep work; if you've got a full bush you cant just start hacking away else your secret garden will get ingrown hairs and razor burn... Also, just a warning, if this is your first time it's going to itch as it grows back. After you've shaved a few times your skin adjusts.


Don't Shave Drunk

And one more thing, though I shouldn't have to say this: if you're shaving your lover's coochie as a form of sex play, or because you're her lifestyle submissive, or just because you're bored, be sure you haven't consumed any intoxicating substances. If you can't operate heavy machinery, you shouldn't go near someone's tender bits with sharp objects.

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Gather Your Tools

First trim everything you plan to shave off. Use small scissors and trim as close to the skin as you can. You'll also need a razor, hair conditioner, shaving cream, and a hand mirror


Bathing Beauty

A nice hot bath will prep you for a relaxing, spa-like, hoohoo-grooming experience. You want the hair to be as soft as possible before you try to remove it. This is an important step. Women who've shaved once without heeding this advice remain forever convinced that there is no way to go bare without a lot of itching and irritation. But they're wrong. And they're forever doomed to miss out on the pleasure of naked pussy lips against a nice wet tongue. So do it right the first time.


Wash and Go

Soak for a while, read a magazine, masturbate under the faucet, do whatever you do in the bath. Put some conditioner on your pubes and let it soak in.

Now comes the tricky part. Prop your butt on the edge of the tub and grab your razor. Lather up with shaving cream and decide what you'll be taking off and what you'll be leaving behind. If you aren't into being totally bald you have the option of shaving the lips and leaving a bit of a beard on top. Start shaving in the direction of the hair growth. The idea is to do this in as few strokes as possible to help avoid irritation. Try not to go over the same area repeatedly.


The Nitty Gritty

In order to get a smooth shave on the tricky bits, stretch them taut with your hand. For your perineum (that's your taint) you'll want to squat in the bathtub and check out the area with a hand mirror. Prop the mirror up in the tub so both hands are free. You can guide the blade easily by feeling around down there with your free hand-you don't need to watch every stroke in the mirror. But having a mirror handy will keep you from accidentally leaving any furry spots.

Now go outside and enjoy having a naked coochie before summer's over and you have to put your pants back on.





Advocate Channel - The Pride StoreOut / Advocate Magazine - Fellow Travelers & Jamie Lee Curtis

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Diana Cage