Singled Out: Lesbian Sex that Leads to Stalking

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Ladies and Gentlegaymen, I am happy to announce that I have finally arrived!
Yes, I have successfully passed the ritualistic initiation ceremony to officially be indicted in the Lesbian Hall of Normalcy. Granted, it took me a decade - since my coming out - enduring the arduous training steps involved in the proper rite of passage chain, but at last I have brought my mission to completion ...drum roll please .... I have a psycho lesbian stalker.

Yeah me!  
Now I won't totally feel socially inadequate anymore as I have my own very personal "obsessed fan borderline serial killer" stereotypical story to tell my entourage at any and all of my very limited social outings.

And because I don't do half-ass jobs this one, hands down, has to rank as life's most absurdly delirious and outrageously demented moment.
I already anticipate the LifetimeTelevision "based on a true Story" Movie of the Week version. And the marketing tease would read: Single White Female meets Fatal Attraction meets Notes on a Scandal with a twist.

Not to spoil the reveal, but the twist is that the stalking technique is so ridiculous that it's as threatening as Austin Powers' Dr Evil's master plan to "take over the world." While my close friends are alarmingly concerned about the potential harmful ramifications of the situation, I, on the other hand, feel no fear for my life whatsoever.

And this why, after very little consideration, I have consciously elected to decline the option of exercising my moral ethics and will blatantly usurp my power as writer by exposing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Everybody knows that if you don't want your dirty laundry to make headlines you just don't dump it in the hands of a published writer.

So at the risk of offending the person who pulled this suicidal stunt on me, I will reiterate the diarrhea of psychopathic text messages I was harassingly bombarded with last Friday. Maybe this will serve as a catharsis thereby helping her realize how insane her behavior was? If not, don't be surprised if there's no Singled Out next week.

But before I pull the trigger on my Russian roulette gun, let me bring you up to speed with a brief synopsis on the recent events that progressively led to said "text stalking" incident.

I met psycho lesbo - which I from now on shall refer to as "whatchamacallit" - a month and a half ago at a work related function. Over the course of the first two weeks, we hung out together several times, made out on a few occasions and yes visited her bedroom ...hmmm twice. Quickly assessing that something was slightly off, on week # 3, I diplomatically opted to call the whole thing off. And kudos to me for not dropping the customary "it's not you, it's me" BS.
No ma'am, how could I? Clearly this was a "it's not me, it's (absolutely) you" case.
We then settled on the "let's be friends" grand finale and proceeded since with our individual lives ... separately.

That was of course until last Friday turned into Black Monday!
Somewhere around the vicinity of 8pm as I was having dinner with my aunt and my grandpa in Hollywood my iPhone buzzed notifying me of an incoming text.
What started as a casual friendly "touching base" text gradually developed into a marathon of cuckoo messages popping up within seconds of each other. Whatchamacallit was obviously having a conversation with her two deranged personalities through my phone. At that point I had long ceased to reply yet - as the written samples below illustrates - she was far too gone on her rampage to get a hold of herself.
And so the madness began!  



Whatchamacallit:    Hi

Mona:            Hello

Whatchamacallit:    Was thinking about you. Whatcha doing?

Mona:            Am out having dinner with my grandpa

Whatchamacallit:    Cool, stop by for some vino. Just casual friendship glass of vino

Mona:            I can't

Whatchamacallit:    Come with grandpa. One glass, ok?

            I would be so honored to meet your grandpa

            Hope you feel comfy enough to bring your grandpa

Mona:            Am not coming, sorry!

Whatchamacallit:    Mona you don't have to like me but I always enjoy time with you
            You're acting different now

            But it's all good, you are fine. Only the person you're interested in
            counts, so you're cool

(I'm still remaining silent)

            You're not into me

            Would love to meet you grandpa seriously!

            I guess you're too busy and too famous for me

            Nite Mona ... I will take you off my list. You don't seem excited
            about a bunch of stuff

            It's cool...am personally over it as much as I have to.

more on next page...

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(continued)

Mona:            What the hell is wrong with you?
            Am busy and can't be texting all night

Whatchamacallit:    Wow this time and way before you totally surprise me.
            Maybe we need to talk ... wow ... once again everything is ok

            Grandpas never get tired of vino.

            Am surprised with your text. One thing for sure I liked kissing you
            and be around you & listen to what you have to say.

(apparently not! What part of "stop texting" didn't she get?)

            I liked who you are and wanted to be intimate with you.

            Have a great life

Mona:            Good nite

Whatchamacallit:    I just love how you are always right. If I am a camera I would
            Probably fall in love with you

            
(This was where I went to bed and turned my phone to silent. While I was sleeping psycho kept  texting!)

Whatchamacallit:    But am not the camera...no worries, it was a joke.

            OK explanation is coming tomorrow...too funny...nothing will
            Be published

(Nothing will be published? Hmm, ya think???)

            Apologize...I need to delete all those lies

            OMG Mona just delete!

            I need to delete Mona and keep email only...I guess
            Oh noooo

(At this point she was either too intoxicated or simply insane and started mixing up her texts)


Whatchamacallit:    Of course I am jealous of (blank) on top of everything.
            Having sex for 3 hours...shit! Lucky beaaatch! OMG!

           
Oh my God is right! She sure took the words right out of my mouth. I had no idea one person could demonstrate such exceptional level of excellence in the maniac department.

Of course, this is coming from someone who not so long ago pulled quite a dumb-ass stalking stunt herself. Rumor had it that the girl I was then seeing was allegedly getting uninterested in me due to the fact that she was expecting "business Mona" to always show up - meaning she wanted me to always sport my Jennifer Beals aka Bette Porter accoutrement and attitude. In a desperate hope to regain her attention, one early Saturday morning, I decided to put on my corporate executive attire and on the pretext of a breakfast business meeting supposedly occurring within distance of her apartment I paid her an impromptu visit - for sensational effect of course!

Admittedly, it was more of a sens-ass-ional stunt that totally back-fired at me.
Let's just say that the "What's up with your outfit" greeting was not the "Wow, I am impressed" welcome I was going for.

And whatever it was that I was going for ...WHAT THE FUCK was I thinking?
If you're wondering when you really cross the stalking line between harassment and dedicated persistence, here's a tip: No means absolutely NO!





Mona Elyafi is the founder/CEO of ILDK Media -- a boutique entertainment public relations agency specializing in personal publicity, special events, media relations & corporate/brand communications.  www.ILDKMedia.com