It’s a simple question, really. Are there any women besides me who actually like to watch the game of baseball? Here’s my case for no…
My girlfriend and I are in the car heading to a Phillies game last weekend. She’s never been to the new stadium, and this will be my first game in two years. We’re both excited, for very different reasons.
Me? Easy…the Phillies won the World Series last year and are on top of the National league by three in front of Florida…(sorry Mets fans…those guys have been sliding fast). My girlfriend is excited because we’re supposed to meet two old college buddies for the game. Here is where the problem begins.
The three sorority sisters start drinking beer in the parking lot, reminiscing about the good old days, and I watch as the crowd starts to head toward their seats. One, two, three beers are drunk in quick succession and still no one has gotten up to go in.
“Everyone ready to head inside the ballpark?” I ask. All three crack open new beers and cheer on a group in an adjacent parking space that have been denting cars and heads playing dizzy bat.
Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve been matching drink for drink, and rooting for the blond girl with the Daisy Dukes to have a go at dizzy bat, but part of me really just wants to settle in and start watching the game…which has already started by now.
Then it happens.
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The cheer goes up. Something good baseball-wise has just happened inside. Another louder cheer goes up, and I’m dying. Then the big Liberty Bell starts lighting up and bonging, which means the Phillies got a score…but I don’t know because I’m sitting out in the parking lot.
“Come on!” I yell…and I finally drag their asses in their seats at the top of the second inning–but it’s too late. Pedro Feliz hit a grand slam and two other runs were made in the first inning. I spend the rest of the game glued to my seat waiting for another run, but it doesn’t happen.
The Phils beat the Pittsburg Pirates 5 to 2. Eight innings of explaining baseball shit to my girlfriend and the sorority sisters taking pictures of the Philly skyline and commenting on how nice they keep the grass on the field.
So push yourself, ladies…the Homerun Derby is tonight on ESPN and the All Star break is about to begin. Even if you think a Grand Slam is breakfast and no man should rearrange their genitals that much on TV. Watch a game…for me.
