Don't Feel Guilty If You Asked Your Family These Questions When You Came Out

Coming out can be challenging. There might be tears or there might be laughter. You may experience shame or you may be suprised to have your family be supportive of you. Perhaps you haven’t come out to your loved ones, and haven’t yet had to navigate the murky waters, but below are some tips that may help you out. 

Regardless of how your coming out went, or how it will go, you should never feel bad for asking these things of your family members when it happens.

1. Asking one parent to tell the other parent.

If you end up coming out to just one parent, and can’t stomach having to tell your other parent, it’s not unheard of to ask the parent who knows to tell the other one. That doesn’t mean they’ll say yes, but you shouldn’t feel bad for asking.

2. Asking your family not to tell anyone just yet.

Coming out is a process that is and should be, completely on your terms. Don’t feel bad for asserting that to them.

3. Asking your family to tell your extended family.

While coming out, most people feel obligated to somehow let the rest of their family know, but if that task seems daunting, or oddly impractical, don’t worry about asking your family to help you out. Nobody wants to send a family email, so let your parents tell their parents whenever they call.

4. Asking your family not to ask questions about the past relationships you’ve had with same-sex friends.

It’s not unheard of after the initial shock has warn off, for certain family members to get a little too comfortable, and awkwardly cross the line. If you feel like this might happen, don’t feel bad asking them not to ask questions.

5. Asking your family not to post anything major on social media.

It’s a bit insane that when major life moments happen to people, they feel the need to share it on social media. For some, this is how they live their lives. For others, they don’t want their business up for the world to see. If that’s how you feel about your coming out, don’t feel bad about asking your family not to post.

6. Asking your family to support you by calling your boyfriend/girlfriend your boyfriend/girlfriend and not “friend” to the people in their lives.

The feeling of being othered will likely be the most frequent emotion you feel after coming out, and a good way to confront it is to make people more comfortable with being around someone who is openly LGBT, and that starts by using the correct pronouns and language.