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We’ve all been there—waking up each morning next to a person you don’t immediately feel the urge to smother with kisses, constantly justifying your relationship to your close friends, family and even worse, yourself.

Being in a relationship that you aren’t totally sure about isn’t easy and sometimes questioning it makes it even more complicated. But with the new year comes a time of reflection, and if you’re willing to start to be frank about your doubts, heading some of these resolutions will do you some good. We promise.

1. Start asking your girlfriend more hard-hitting questions.

The ones that have been circling in your head but you’ve been to afraid to ask. A good tool is to write them down and edit them until they don’t feel accusatory or antagonistic.

2. Talk to your trusted friends about your problems.

Not the judge-y ones who will knock your S/O for what they wear, but the ones who will listen to you and hear you and understand you.

3. Make a good ‘ol pros and cons list.

And not a petty pro and cons list. Don’t make yourself look better on this list. Be honest to her and yourself and fairly size up what you feel like you gain and lack in your current relationship. But don’t be stupid and print it, and let your S/O see it (remember that Friends episode?). 

4. Focus on being the person you want to be and take note of how that makes your girlfriend feel.

If you doing things that bring you peace and joy, like going to yoga or reading instead of watching TV, make your girlfriend uncomfortable, then add that to your con list.

5. Boil down your problems to a less-than-double-digits list.

And try to boil them even further down to what the main core issues are. These are the issues you’re going to want to focus on.

6. Read a self-help book on intimacy.

Not an Elite Daily post about “signs that he’s the one” that you adapt to your queer relationship, no, Get your hands on a real self-help book and see if you can gain a new perspective.

7. Demand that you and your partner have the “hard conversations” that need to happen.

Gauge how well your conversations go on how likely you are to solve issues that arise. If you get nowhere and you’ve tried multiple times, then it’s clear that you two aren’t very compatible when it comes to communication.

8. Set a date for when you want to have your mind made up.

Once you put a date in your mind, your gut will figure out how it feels by then. Ask the universe for answers before you go to bed each night and don’t shut yourself off from receiving them. You’ll know when you know, and once you know, do what your heart tells you.

Briana Gonzalez lives and works in San Francisco, California with her girlfriend and their two pugs. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.